i went to the hidden lakes winery this afternoon to have, of course, a glass of wine. and to listen to the singer who sounded just like joni mitchell and sang a lot of her songs including big yellow taxi which my daughter hates but i love.
it was the first time since my husband left me that i have gone to a place like that alone. it took a lot of nerve. part of me wanted to do it but a bigger part of me didn't. a bigger part of me said, hell, drink your wine at home. just like you've been doing for the past 3 -1/2 dreadful years since he dumped your sorry be-hind.
i chose my clothes carefully - not because i was trying to impress anybody but because i needed to impress myself. i needed to have a little self-respect. self-respect is hard to come by when your husband leaves you.
i didn't wear much make-up. because i knew i would probably cry it all off. and i did. a little. not a lot, but enough for some of the people around me to notice. and to look at me kinda funny. and to whisper among themselves - "i wonder what's wrong with that lady."
actually, nothing was wrong with that lady. that is, until i decided to post my location on facebook and let everyone know that hey, the old gray mare is at least out of the barn.
when i clicked on "check-in," to indicate my location, google prompted me to answer a question that google has never prompted me to answer before - "who are you with?"
that was tear #1.
and 2, and 3, and i lost count after 154.
there's one thing you don't want to have happen when you make your maiden voyage back out into the real world all by yourself. and that one thing is to be asked who you are with. i may never google again as long as i live.
annie house, though, (the singer) was fabulous. she sang every song i knew back when i was in college and before any of this nightmare ever, ever happened. i thought about sending her a note, telling her that she sings just like joni mitchell and if she had lived in my dorm, i would have been her friend. and that i feel like she's my friend anyway because she sang me through tears and even the occasional smile. i didn't send her a note, but i thought about it. one step at a time, i guess.
but mallory was the one who really saved the day for me. she was my server and i could tell she was curious why i was alone and why i only had one glass of wine and then left. she had an empathetic look on her face the whole time and i thought about sending her a note, too.
when i got up to leave, she touched my hand. she looked me straight in the eye and said, "come back, will you?"
i will.
but i'm not telling google.
