first - i spill wine on my laptop.
second - my laptop blows up. literally. ka-pow!
third - i try to un-ka-pow my laptop.
fourth - i try to un-ka-pow my laptop.
fifth - i try to un-ka-pow my laptop.
sixth - i call eli and ask him if there is anything i can do to un-ka-pow my laptop. he says likely not.
seventh - i tell myself, don't cry. don't cry. i tell myself don't cry.
eighth - i don't cry.
ninth - i cry.
tenth - i call abby and ask her if there is anything she can do and she says yes, i can have her notebook until i buy a new computer.
eleventh - i say, notebook? as in paper and pen? as in spiral?
twelfth - she says, no. as in, you hate computers, mom.
thirteenth - i say, ok. thanks i'll come and get it tomorrow.
fourteenth- i come and get it tomorrow.
fifteenth- i come home and it won't connect to the internet.
sixteenth - i try this, i try that, i try this again, i try another that, i try another this. it won't connect to the internet.
seventeenth - i check the modem to see if it has red wine on it.
eighteenth - it does not have red wine on it. modem is a-ok, not ka-pow.
nineteenth - i call eli to see if he knows what i can try to connect to the internet. eli says i know more about computers than i think i do because everything i have tried is what he would try. eli says to call tech support.
twentieth - i throw up. i mean, literally. (not literally.) who in their right mind wants to call tech support?
twenty-first - i call tech support.
twenty-second - i can. not. under. stand. this. chick's. accent. i'm. sorry. i can. not. i. try. for. about. twenty. minutes. to. understand. this. chick's. accent. and. i. can. not. i. finally. say. to. this. chick., chick? (i don't really say chick)........i say, chick? i am so, so sorry and believe me, your accent is lovely, but i simply cannot understand you. i am so, so sorry. believe me. it's not you, it's me. i couldn't be sorrier. i am so, so sorry. truly sorry. sorry beyond belief.. its me, not you. sorry, sorry, sorry. and she says, lady? shut up. it's ok. i'll get somebody else to help you. (actually, she didn't say, lady? shut up. or maybe she did. i could. not. understand a word. this chick said.)
twenty-third - i get somebody else. the somebody else i get sounds like he sells used cars on the side. boy, does he have a deal for me.
twenty-fourth - 2 hours later, i still don't have internet connectivity, but he swears i will on friday (yesterday). i told you he was a used car salesman.
twenty-fifth - do i really have to tell you what the twenty-fifth is? really?
twenty-sixth - i call tech support. i didn't even vomit! i just did it! (i cried, though.)
twenty-seventh - after 3 hours on the phone with a chick without an accent (God be praised), i have internet connectivity.
twenty-eighth - at the end of the 3 hours, i ask this chick without an accent (God be praised), i say, what was the problem in the first place? was my loss of internet ability connected to the wine i spilled on my laptop or was it just coincidental that it happened at the same time?
twenty-ninth - just coincidental, she says.
thirtieth - really, i say.
thirty-first - i don't know, she says.
thirty-second - i will not drink wine near my computer.(abby's notebook.)
thirty-third - i will not drink wine near my computer.(abby's notebook.)
thirty-fourth - i will not drink wine near my computer. (abby's notebook.)
thirty-fifth - does coffee count?
