someone saved my life today - mallory. and joni mitchell wasn't far behind.

i went to the hidden lakes winery this afternoon to have, of course, a glass of wine. and to listen to the singer who sounded just like joni mitchell and sang a lot of her songs including big yellow taxi which my daughter hates but i love.

it was the first time since my husband left me that i have gone to a place like that alone. it took a lot of nerve. part of me wanted to do it but a bigger part of me didn't. a bigger part of me said, hell, drink your wine at home. just like you've been doing for the past 3 -1/2 dreadful years since he dumped your sorry be-hind. 

i chose my clothes carefully - not because i was trying to impress anybody but because i needed to impress myself. i needed to have a little self-respect. self-respect is hard to come by when your husband leaves you.

i didn't wear much make-up. because i knew i would probably cry it all off. and i did. a little. not a lot, but enough for some of the people around me to notice. and to look at me kinda funny. and to whisper among themselves - "i wonder what's wrong with that lady."

actually, nothing was wrong with that lady. that is, until i decided to post my location on facebook and let everyone know that hey, the old gray mare is at least out of the barn.

when i clicked on "check-in," to indicate my location, google prompted me to answer a question that google has never prompted me to answer before - "who are you with?"

that was tear #1.

and 2, and 3, and i lost count after 154.


there's one thing you don't want to have happen when you make your maiden voyage back out into the real world all by yourself. and that one thing is to be asked who you are with. i may never google again as long as i live.


annie house, though, (the singer) was fabulous. she sang every song i knew back when i was in college and before any of this nightmare ever, ever happened. i thought about sending her a note, telling her that she sings just like joni mitchell and if she had lived in my dorm, i would have been her friend. and that i feel like she's my friend anyway because she sang me through tears and even the occasional smile. i didn't send her a note, but i thought about it. one step at a time, i guess.

but mallory was the one who really saved the day for me. she was my server and i could tell she was curious why i was alone and why i only had one glass of wine and then left. she had an empathetic look on her face the whole time and i thought about sending her a note, too. 

when i got up to leave, she touched my hand. she looked me straight in the eye and said, "come back, will you?"


i will.

but i'm not telling google.

better than mayberry

frankly, i never knew that any place on earth could be better than mayberry, but canal winchester, ohio just might be. 

canal winchester is my new home, having moved here a little over 4 weeks ago. while i don't live in the actual little town itself, i am a mere 4-5 minutes from it, and when i am there (which is becoming increasingly more often), i wonder why anyone wouldn't choose to live like this.

in only 2 weeks time, i have discovered the following about canal winchester:

• it has an outstanding mom and pop computer repair shop, "elite networks," - http://columbusohiocomputer.com/ - that simply cannot be beat for quality, service, and old-fashioned (if it makes any sense to use "old-fashioned" and "computer" in the same sentence) "sit a spell" friendliness. yes. they actually offered me ice-cold lemonade while they ran some diagnostics. while i sat on the front porch of its late 19th century building.
• "paradise froyo" - a charming make-it-yourself frozen yogurt store in a charming refurbished victorian home. black wrought-iron cafe tables and chairs, as well as some very colorful adirondack ones, line the outdoor patio which faces the main drag. and of course, the main drag is tree-lined and american flag-flying. love!
• "the harvest moon cafe"  - http://www.hm-cafe.com/ - have i said "charming" yet? well, here's another. the harvest moon cafe is on the corner of the main drag and the other main drag - in other words, right smack in the middle of "downtown" canal winchester (and a block from paradise froyo. which is 3 doors down from elite networks. see how that works? small town. small town). it is an upscale cafe on one side and health food store/winery on the other. the food is local, gluten-free, hormone-free, everything-except-the-price free. they emphasize whole foods, hand-crafted beers from ohio, intriguing cocktails (the "blue waltz lady fills her dance card"), and plenty of dishes featuring bison. they even have a goat burger which, i'm not too sure about that one. their wine selection is small, as is fitting for canal winchester, but impressive, with a strong ohio presence, a decent french one, and a very nice south american one. of which i am sure pope francis approves.  :)
• across the corner from the harvest moon cafe is, quite aptly enough, "cornersmiths," a vintage/antique shop whose layout is genius. it is, like all of these wonderful gems, in a refurbished turn-of-the-century brick home, and the owners have presented their merchandise according to the room you're in. so, for example, in what used to be the front room of this home, you will now find old sofas, chairs, end tables, lamps, and decorative items. the kitchen is a special delight - with stuff from the 30s, 40s, and 50s. i especially loved the stuff from the 50s because i remember it. in the bathroom you will find handmade soaps and toiletries as well as crocheted hand towels and a claw-footed tub which yes, is for sale. 
• "georgie emerson's vintage" - a half block down from cornersmiths. it's a teensy, tiny shop with every item in it being either white, cream, beige, or brown. it's like walking into a hot fudge sundae, minus the cherry. but, wait! there IS a cherry.........a wreath made of dried cherries and white hydrangeas hangs on the front door.  :)
• "hidden lakes winery" - http://www.hiddenlakeswinery.com/ - this one is a bit on the outskirts of the actual downtown. it's so close, i can walk to it. it is right off a major thoroughfare which is right off st. rt. 33 and it is surrounded by the usual sites one comes to expect in america from busy intersections such as these - home depot, walmart, mcdonald's, taco bell, staples, kroger.......well, you get the drift. but, tucked just off the busy road (by a mere 300 feet) is hidden lakes winery and truly, it is one of those places that is so right under your nose you'd never know it was there. unless you got lucky and found out it was there. which i did. and when you ARE there, you are miles and miles away. it is a charming (sorry!) little place, situated on a lovely lake complete with dock, a white lattice-work gazebo, and plenty of trees and picnic grounds and outdoor dining encouraged. inside, the motif is exposed brick and a fireplace, so fall can't get here soon enough to suit me (which, regardless of hidden lakes winery, fall can't get here soon enough to suit me). plus, they have live music two nights per week, right by the lake, as the sun sets. i have to pinch myself.

i am looking forward to finding out what other well-kept secrets this little town has. already, i know of two in particular that i want to explore - "the wigwam," which i understand has been there for like forever and is your basic, small town diner. that will probably turn out to be the best place of all, and the site of the former canal (yes, there really used to be one) around which this town sprung up. 

there may be no place on earth better than mayberry, but if there is, this is it.

and it's home.

:)

big picture, people.....BIG picture.

the reality is, if you are a business owner in 2013 and you want to make money, you have to distance yourself from paula deen. the other reality is, anyone who distances themselves from paula deen needs to distance themselves from themselves.

hello, splinter? this is plank.

love is love. (and hate is hate.)

incomprehensibly, few people seem to recognize that hating someone for hating is........hating.

also incomprehensibly, few people seem to recognize that hate - of anything and especially of anybody -  for an.y. rea. son. - does not engender love. 

or, as the late reverend martin luther king, jr. put it, "hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."

that's pretty much how Christ put it, too. but everybody hates it when you bring up Christ.

what my dad used to call me

when my dad came home from work he'd call me

a new

nickname.

i never knew what it would be.

it was like waiting for Christmas morning when

you hadn't even made your list

yet.


one time it was niknar which was

my last name spelled sdrawkcab and it took me till i was 

eleven

to figure that out.


one time it was winkin, blinkin, and nod which

was the story he read with one hand on the book and

one hand on my cheek.


i remember when it was eebeezer and i asked him what

that meant and he took my hands in his and said,

nancy,

there are a thousand ways to say

i love you. don't you ever

forget 

that.

you betcha. boys will be boys.

i'm about on my last half of a nerve so consider yourself warned.


look here, folks.......... little boys don't sit still. 

all these poor parents who keep schlepping their kids into my office because johnny (well, zachary. benjamin. isaiah.) is out of his seat half the damned day.

 good for johnny! (z/b/i.) 

when i was in grade school, the only kids available to cheat off of in math (arithmetic) were girls. cuz the boys were out of their seats! newsflash! (and yes, you may throw stones at me now, you know how girls are with math. i have the transcripts to prove it.)

boys don't like seats. it's why they go out and hunt.

it's why they rig up all sorts of homemade things that blow up in the street on the fourth of july.

girls aren't all that fond of seats, either. it's why they stand in little cliques on the playground and rip on every kid in sight.


it appears that the moral of my story is thusly: get rid of seats. 

(oh. and get rid of ritalin, too.)

pet peeves

1. not cleaning up after your pet. long as i live, i'm not gonna ever understand how someone justifies that behavior. 
2. not scrolling through the comments before you comment. it's a dis.cus.sion., people.
3. that's all for now but trust me, i'll get more.

home

a place that has everything.

a door - front or back - through which i walk and find,

even if no one is there,

a hug.

a basset hound who licks her way 

to hello and the breeze

lifts her ears.

i smell new house smell and fresh

rosemary.

i lay out the chops and thank 

God.

kill the over-kill

many millenials (previously referred to as "generation y") need to dial it down a notch. two. three. four wouldn't hurt.

before i tell you why many millenials need to dial it down any number of notches, let me tell you who made them need to dial it down - us. their parents. we created this monster.

we were the first generation who decided to parent kids from the "good job!" school of thought. we thought that rewarding a kid every time he took a breath was a good idea. we were the ones who got all caught up in this "self-esteem" thing. we were the ones who wanted these kids to "think for themselves and make up their own minds" - about damned near everything. what we didn't count on was what was gonna happen if they actually did. 

and boy, they did. did they ever.

look, i'm not saying that we shouldn't have given a rat's ass how our children felt. or how life's events - the failures and the successes - impacted them. of course we should have cared about those things. and i'm not saying that we shouldn't have taught them to think for themselves. of course we should have. but i am saying............damn, did we ever go overboard.

we over-killed the kindness. boy, did we ever.

the end result of that excessive pandering to our children's self-esteem is that they now think they're all that. (what, exactly, did we parents think was gonna happen? we can't go tellin' a kid who shows us every scribbly, no-sign-of-talent-here picture he drew that we love the colors and we love the way he used a lot of different shapes and we love the way he used the crayons so creatively and expect him not to think he's all that. and the next van gogh, to boot.)

we can't not keep score in the softball game and hand out ribbons to everybody who bothered to show up (even if they didn't bother to show up every time) and expect to raise humble, tolerant adults. we just can't.

and we just didn't.

many of the millenials view the world in a much more self-centered perspective than we ever did. and many of them, touting this liberation philosophy or that one, think that they are other-centered, not self-centered. they don't even see how high-handed, smugly superior, intellectually arrogant they are. they don't see it! 

well, of course they don't. we didn't teach them to see it. we didn't teach them to think how the players who showed up for every practice, worked their asses off (often in the hot sun), and actually hit the ball, ran the bases, and scored the most runs might feel if we give everybody a trophy. we only taught them to think how they would feel if they didn't get a trophy.

and we taught them to demand that the world give 'em one.


not that every millenial is like this, of course. this article is one time, at least, when not everybody is included.