man in the mirror

before i tell you how to make a good new year's resolution, let me tell you how to make a bad one. or, at least, an incomplete one. a misguided one. (so, yeah......a bad one).

how you make a bad resolution is, you sit and think about what you think you need to do to be better and that's what you decide your resolution is.

baaaaad!

what you ought to do instead is, you ought to think about the resolutions you would make for other people. so, for example, take your spouse.........what would you like him or her to do differently next year? what about your boss? your co-worker? your long lost relative? your friend. anybody. even strangers! what would you like strangers to do differently?

so, what you do is, you make your list of people and for each one, you think of at least one thing you wish they'd do differently. or better. more of. less of. not at all of. whatever.



and there, my friend, is your resolution.


my resolution, too.

:)

december 26th - january 1st

every year, between Christmas and new year's, i remember how between Christmas and new year's used to feel. and i, for one, make sure it still does.

• you'd leave the gifts out under the tree, still in their boxes and tissue paper (which was always either plain white or white with those little different colored flecks of whatever they were on them), and every time you'd walk by the tree you'd be like, oh yeah......i got that, too! and you'd feel good inside.
• you were either waiting for it to snow so you could use your new sled or waiting for it to thaw so you could use your new bike. and unlike other kinds of waiting, that was a wonderful kind of waiting.
• you were on Christmas vacation. not Christmas break and not winter break. Christmas vay.cay.shun.
• you'd go downtown and buy something with the money your aunt and uncle gave you. and it was half off, so you'd buy two!
• while there, your parents would buy next year's Christmas cards and next year's wrapping paper. so you got to start dreaming about another Christmas even as you were still enjoying this one.
• Christmas vacation seemed like a long, long time.
• you'd eat holiday leftovers all week.
• you'd be excited for new year's eve. and guy lombardo.
• you'd keep trying to decide which gift to bring on the first day back to school for show and tell. and the choices were plentiful!
• you'd stay in your jammies longer.
• you'd watch a little captain kangaroo and then play with your new stuff. then you'd watch a little lucy's toyshop and take a nap. and then you'd wake up and eat Christmas cookies.
• everyone's Christmas decorations were still up. even though Christmas was officially over, nobody wanted it to be over. and so........it wasn't!
• but mostly, nobody had gone back to being their usual crabby old selves.

how to live: a condensed guide

in the movie, "being there," peter sellers plays a character named chauncey gardiner, a mentally challenged man whom everyone mistakes for a genius because of what appears to be his incredibly simple grasp on life's most complex issues. they misinterpret his simplistic remarks as deeply allegorical ones about life. people are in awe of mr. gardiner and they try to follow his no-brainer approach to living a meaningful life. they even think he should run for president! (please refrain from making jokes about the need for intelligence and a run for the presidency.)  :)

a person who otherwise would likely have been marginalized - and maybe even institutionalized - became a hero. and a model for right living.

when my priest told us yesterday that all moral problems in the universe would be solved - slam dunk - if only we'd follow this one simple guideline, i immediately thought of chauncey gardiner:

"Lord, make me pleasing in your sight."

and i thought how peter sellers made a lot of money - i don't know how much - saying basically the same thing. and how, on a saturday night, with popcorn and a big, tall coke - and some milk duds - don't forget the milk duds! - how, in a situation like that, we all think chauncey gardiner was right (even if he didn't mean to be).

and how Christ, who did mean to be - and was - is - doesn't get the time of day.

but my priest is right. if each of us made it our job to be pleasing in God's sight - not in our own, not in somebody else's - this world'd be swell.

i remember a particular scene in "being there" where one person, who was the rare doubter of chauncey gardiner's intellectual depth, was talking to a gung ho believer in mr. gardiner. and the gung ho believer said to the doubter, "even if he's wrong, he's right."

and the doubter accepted the gung ho believer's challenge to, go ahead, live according to mr. gardiner's "rules,"  even if you think he's full of hooey. do it for just a few days and see what you think.

do it for just a few days.......and see what you think.

a one and a two.......

i watched last night, with dismay, an old lawrence welk Christmas show from 1966. lawrence welk! i know, right?

i don't know where to start!

i remember lawrence welk being cheesy back in the day, so imagine the pungency of the cheese 46 years later!

and the technology! or the absence of, i should say. poor mr. welk had everybody's family and kids on the show and of course, all the kids had to sing a Christmas song, whether they could sing or not (and none of them could), and lawrence welk kept running with his microphone from one kid to the next! he practically tripped over the wires a couple of times and you could hear static all over the place. and apparently, back in the day, we accepted that! we thought that a musical t.v. host running like a maniac around the stage with only one lousy microphone was entertainment (and not the funny kind)!

hard to believe.

he had the lennon sisters on, of course. i swear to you, my blood practically turned to 100% sugar listening to those chicks.

remember norma zimmer? well, norma zimmer (God rest her soul - she died last year) must have used every can of hairspray in hollywood. but she did have a nice voice.

speaking of "nice" voice........after every performance, lawrence welk would tap his baton into the palm of his hand and say, "folks, wasn't dat niiiiiiice? dat was so, so nice. thank you, bobby and norma!"

i don't know why i kept watching, but i did. i watched the whole cotton-pickin' show. and when it was finally over and i changed the channel, i stumbled across another news report on sandy hook. and it was then that i knew why i had watched the lawrence welk Christmas show:


because it was nice.

add this to your list

3 urgent Christmas things i just gotta get off my chest:


1. fruit cake is intended for breakfast.

2. 'sup with wrapping paper? why don't they make the rolls shorter? wrapping paper is pretty much one giant waste of wrapping paper. 

3. make this and your troubles go away:  

                                   "the smell of Christmas"

• 2-3 T. whole cloves
• 4-5 cinnamon sticks
• 1-2 T. whole allspice
• 1 whole nutmeg - if you can find it - chopped, or sprinkle a buncha ground nutmeg if you can't
• 1 piece vanilla bean - if you can find it - or, several drops of the liquid kind if you can't
• orange peel from 1-2 oranges

1. combine all the above in a pan with a loose lid (i use foil). cover in water. put pan in 200-250 degree oven and EN.JOY. 
2. periodically add water as needed.
3. you can brew this for 5 days and then you'll need a fresh batch.
4. which means, this stuff lasts longer than fish or company coming to visit - which ben franklin said was 3 days, tops.  :)

MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    

                                                                        

                        

ringing bells 26 times

i am going to say it: why not 27? and.........if we're really gonna be Christian about it.......why not 28? or, at least 27 at one time and then a lone 28th sometime later?


i don't understand why his mother doesn't get a bell. i understand that she didn't go to that school. so if you just want to ring bells for the people who went to that school, i get that. that makes sense to me. they are in a special group. but why not a bell for his mother, later?

and even though it sickens me to think it much less to type it, why not a bell for him? especially if he was mentally ill, which seems to be the case.

but even if he wasn't mentally ill. even if he was just plain evil. actually........if he was just plain evil, i guess all the more reason to have mercy on his miserable soul. not to mention ring a lousy bell.

but i realize that ringing a bell for a maniac who went berserk and blew so many people's lives into smithereens is, at the very least, insensitive and disrespectful -  not to mention in incredibly bad taste. in which case......no bell. but something. some acknowledgement that his life was a tragedy, too.


no, this isn't how my brain works. my brain works in the "let him fry" mode.


but my brain is part of the reason i'm not Christ.

no room in the inn

isn't it odd........in all of creation (his creation, no less)........there was no room for the creator.


still isn't, in a lotta cases.  

silver bells. and linings.

good things always come from bad things. if you let it.



the pall that has been over the nation since last friday has unleashed an avalanche of love.

colliding with Christmas as it has is at once tragic and perfect. if you can't see Christ in Christmas now.............then, when?

if all you can say is, "where was God," then this whole hideous thing has been lost on you. and that, my friend, is a tragedy, too.

in an odd mix of holidays, i am reminded this Christmas that after Good Friday came Easter.



good things always come from bad things.

if you let it.

the way, the truth, and the LIFE - not the DEATH

these are the reasons i hear most often to explain why tragic killings happen. you have no doubt heard them, too:

• too many guns 
• not enough guns (in the hands of the right people)
• the media, especially the non-stop, 24/7 media
• video games
• no God in the schools anymore (or anywhere anymore)
• hollywood
• side effects of psychotropic medications (this is the first time i've heard that one)
• unavailable or inaccessible mental health services
• bullying
• the deterioration of the family

i am not an expert in mass killings - don't ever plan to be. i don't have a bucket list but if i did, being an expert in mass killings is the last thing that would be on it.

that said, i have a few remarks of my own to make:

probably all of these reasons play a role - in different ways, in varying amounts, depending on the killer. 

probably doing something about each one of these reasons would be helpful.

statistics show that despite these reasons, most of which are modern in nature, mass killings in the united states have not seen a dramatic increase over the course of our country's history. some increase - but not dramatic. i don't think most people know this. which is why they point to the modern reasons that they do.

and what all of these reasons have in common is the over-arching real reason for mass killings - and everything else that goes terribly wrong - the existence of evil. 

and the existence of evil is, quite literally, the oldest reason in the book.

as long as human beings try to combat evil only in ways that make sense to them, be that removing guns or adding guns - or any of the rest of it - we will have this problem. and others.

because man (alone) cannot solve the problem of evil. he cannot.

there is only one who can. 

there is only who, if we work in cooperation with him and surrender our intellects to his, can help us help ourselves.

help us save ourselves.

so, yeah. put God back in schools. 

from a shepherd's point of view

abby wrote a letter to the twins yesterday - something she has been meaning to do for 4 years now - detailing the amazing story of their birth and their grandpa's death.......which collided in the corridors of the ohio state university medical center.


here is the story - part of it, anyway - from my perspective:


abby was scheduled to have a c-section on friday, dec. 12th at 4 pm at riverside hospital, where she had been on bed rest for 8 weeks? 10 weeks? i forget. a lot of weeks.

on thursday, dec. 11th, at 5 pm, i get a call from one of abby's relatives - telling me that abby's father, david, was not expected to live more than 24 hours. 

in other words, he was expected to die the same day she gave birth to her first (and second - because that's how abby and eli roll!) baby. babies.

i remember hanging up the phone and walking around in circles, saying to myself, think, nancy. think. 

i called dr. melillo.

dr. melillo, i hate to bother you at home, but.........


what happened next is a GIGANTIC blur.


i remember walking into abby's room at riverside. as i did, i saw eli's mother visiting with her, having what i could tell was a tender and special conversation. 

i'm not sure what i said. i know i said it badly. i remember hugging big-fat- almost-9-months-pregnant-with-twins abby and saying something to her. i remember dr. melillo standing in the hall, just outside the doorway.


what happened next is a GIGANTIC blur. 


i don't remember who packed up all of abby's stuff. there was stuff everywhere. i don't remember who packed it all up.

i don't remember who drove her from riverside to ohio state, where her dad lay dying.

i don't remember what time it was.

it was dark.

not just figuratively.


next thing i know, i'm at kroger, and it's almost midnight. i'm the only one there. i am on a mission:

abby needs a hair dryer!  :)

why abby needed a hair dryer, i don't remember. how abby had the presence of mind to know that she needed a hair dryer, i don't know.

but she needed one. and kroger was open.

and it was quiet.

and i was by myself.

they had dimmed most of the lights. my first thought was, how did kroger find out about all of this? how did they know to dim the lights in honor of david? 

my second thought was, how pretty the little Christmas lights are in here.

how pretty and quiet. it's Christmas in kroger. even if it isn't Christmas at ohio state.


what happened next is a GIGANTIC blur.


i don't remember driving to ohio state medical center.

i don't remember parking.

(how did i ever find my car when it came time to leave?)


i do remember walking into the ohio state university medical center and thinking.........it's exactly like kroger in here.

it's quiet. it's dim. 

there's a Christmas tree.

there's another one.

ah, and those wreaths. so pretty.


it's Christmas at the ohio state university medical center.


and it was. it was Christmas. because david didn't end up dying that day. (he lingered 4 more days.) 

abby delivered olivia and charlie at 9.00 a.m.



and david was able to hold them.




(http://eliandabbybowman.blogspot.com/2012/12/a-2nd-letter-for-c-your-birth-story.html)

Christmas

Christmas is so different this year. and by Christmas is so different this year, i mean i am so different this year.

it's been mild and rainy, not cold and snowy, and yet, i don't mind.

i haven't bought abby a single thing yet and i haven't bought eli a single thing yet and i haven't bought the triplets a single thing yet and the two things that i bought olivia haven't arrived yet and by now they should have. and yet, i don't mind.

i have decided to have ham and beans and cornbread for Christmas dinner and not only do i not mind, i can barely wait.

i have switched over completely from traditional Christmas decorations to modern Christmas decorations. no traditional green in sight. lots of lime and red and turquoise and silver. 

i am going to do swiss fondue on Christmas eve.

i'm making cookies. haven't done that in like for. ev. uh.

we are going to have make-your-own sundaes for dessert on Christmas day.

i haven't written my cards yet.

all my CDs got ripped off outa my car and now the only Christmas music i have is online or on the radio.

and i don't mind.


the trappings of Christmas are falling away and in the space where all of them used to be is..........

Christmas.

strange bedfellows

so today, neiman marcus marries target. there have been stranger things.

like martha stewart marrying petsmart, for example. you walk into your basic petsmart and you don't expect to see leashes and chew bones and litter boxes -  in martha's signature colors of red and turquoise (which, by the way, i love. not the chew bones, but the red and turquoise. gorgeous!).

it's jarring, really. almost gives you whiplash. you walk in, looking for breath mints for your dog, and there's martha stewart - a few years outa prison - hawking her latest color combo on some poor, unsuspecting person who just wants to know where the flea dip is.

another odd match is vera wang at kohl's. especially vera wang in their bra department. and their bed sheets department. vera wang, who got famous for her wedding gowns, now has the bride covered from a to z.

everywhere you go these days, you can find stuff that shouldn't be there. vera wang shouldn't be at kohl's. it doesn't matter that it's a second-rate version of vera wang, it just shouldn't be there. period.

starbuck's shouldn't be at kroger.

tiffany's jewelry shouldn't be at macy's.

and while we're on the subject of macy's........ macy's shouldn't be at macy's! macy's belongs in new york city, period. every half-wit knows that!


(i did buy a red and turquoise water dish, though.)

coupla unappreciated good things about Christmas

one good thing about wanting a hippopotamus for Christmas is that you only want one. because if you wanted more than one, you'd have to worry about and figure out whether that means you want hippopotamuses or hippopotami. and that, right there, would take all the fun out of Christmas.

another good thing about Christmas that you probably didn't pay any attention to is that it pretty much stays. the. same. oh, sure........you've got your newfangled christmahannawanza goin' on and your ACLU trying its best to be the grinch (or, wait........maybe it's the grinch who's trying his best to be the ACLU!)...........

but, whatever..........sure, you've got your hallowgivingchristmahannaza goin' on and your ACLU/grinch thing goin' on, but other than that, really, it's the same thing, year in and year out. and that's good.

you've got your red and your green. done.

you've got your boxes in the attic. done.

you've got the manger scene you've had since you were a kid. done.

you've got your stockings and your cookies and your candy canes and, of course, the tree. nothing new about any of that. just good old, reliable Christmas.


another nice - and largely unappreciated - thing about Christmas is.......


Christ is born.  

things that make sense but don't appear to

yesterday, i was driving olivia to gymnastics, with charlie along for the ride, and they were discussing my birthday. for the first time that i know of, they asked questions about what a birthday is, exactly.


olivia: what is your birthday, gram?

me: you mean, when is my birthday?

charlie: no, gram. she means what is your birthday?

me: well.......my birthday......and everybody's birthday is a celebration of the day they were born.

olivia: but you're already born, gram.

me: yes. i'm already born. i was born a long time ago, but we still celebrate it.

charlie: how long ago were you born, gram?

olivia: a looooong time ago, charlie!

charlie: are you old, gram?

me:  well........

charlie: i'm not old, gram. i'm a child.

olivia: and i'm a child, too.

charlie: yeah, and olivia and i already got born.

me: that's right. you are both children and you both already got born.

charlie: the babies already got born, too, gram. they were in mommy's stomach but she wanted them out of there so they got born.

olivia: mommy didn't want the babies out of her stomach, charlie!!

charlie: yes, she did!!

olivia: no, she didn't!! gram.........mommy didn't want the babies out of her stomach, did she?

me: well.....she wanted them in until it was time for them to be born. she wanted them to stay in until they were old enough to be born.

charlie: but the babies aren't old, gram!

me: no, the babies aren't old, but they used to be a little bit old. a little bit too old to still be in your mommy's tummy.


silence..........

silence..........

silence.........


olivia: gram?

me: yes, liv?

olivia: turn on the radio, please.

the lights on the court house. at least, i think it's the court house.

for a clinical social worker, i'm not very observant. 


i live 2 blocks from the court house, so you'd think i'd know the court house when i see it. especially since i have been there umpteen times in my social worker career. not to mention more recently in my personal career. you'd think i'd know the court house when i see it. 

well.....not necessarily........

there's a tall building that i can see from where i live. several tall buildings, actually, but one in particular. i think it's the court house. i should know, but i don't. i'm pretty sure, but i'm not positive. 

what i do know is that this building, which i'm pretty sure is the court house but i'm not one thousand percent sure.......what i do know is that this building has different colored lights around the top of it, depending on the season or an event. for example, in october, the lights are pink, in honor of breast cancer awareness month. in march, they're green (st. paddy's), and at Christmas, they're red and green. 

i always make a point of looking up at this building which i think is the court house but i'm not sure.  i enjoy the colored lights. they're like a beacon in the night, telling me what time of year it is. i think of them as my own personal urban lighthouse.

anyway, ever since thanksgiving, i've been eagerly waiting for the lights to turn from orange to red and green. i like the red and green lights the best of all and i sorta expected them to switch the colors on black friday. not because black friday is red and green, but because black friday is (sadly) the official start of Christmas. but they didn't change the lights on black friday.

not on saturday. not on sunday.

not all this week. i had pretty well decided that they wouldn't change the lights from orange to red and green until december 1st. it just sorta started to make sense to me that that is when they'd do it.

not necessarily.........

this morning, when i took my dog out at the ridiculous hour of 5.15 a.m. (because she didn't get the memo that we changed the clocks a few weeks ago).......when i took her out, i saw that the lights on what i think is the court house but i couldn't swear to it (ha! swear to it? court house? get it?)......when i took her out, i saw that the lights on the maybe court house had turned from orange to red and green. on november 29th. a thursday. an ordinary day that makes no sense why they chose that day to turn the lights from orange to Christmas red and green.


and i have decided to look at it like this: i may not know a court house when i see one....


but i definitely know a birthday gift.

two more things scratched off the list

black friday and the ohio state-michigan game. (and one good thing about being bowl ineligible is that i don't have to wait around to scratch a bowl game  off the list. jim tressel already scratched it off for me.)

(and speaking of jim tressel.......personally, i thought it was unbelievably inappropriate for him to be on the field yesterday and getting such a standing o. quite frankly, i had to do a double-take. i couldn't believe what i was seeing. and all those fans......going crazy......for the man who scratched a bowl game off their list. one thing's for sure......nothing is harder to comprehend than an ohio state football fan.)

i have also scratched one white candle in each window off the list this year. my windows are gonna skip and go naked. whadda i need one white candle in each window for? i have twinkly white lights on my headboard, i have white lights on my tree, and i have white lights on my other tree. 

what i think i might do is, i might wait till january 1st and then, when all the other decorations are taken down, i might put up the one white candle in each window. and keep them up all through the winter. i think it will be nice to come home on a cold, dark january night and see that.

much better than seeing jim tressel.

crossing thanksgiving off the list

until yesterday, i hadn't done THING ONE in preparation for Christmas. not thing one. but, now i have. i have crossed the first thing off my list - thanksgiving.


thanksgiving was a failure in our house yesterday. none of the food cooked. the oven wasn't completely dead - it seemed fairly warm - but after 7 hours, the turkey was only at 150 degrees, wouldn't brown, and the legs wouldn't budge when you tried to jiggle 'em.  the side dishes were cool (temp, not style). the sweet potatoes crunched. 

meanwhile, three babies got tired. and hungry. one baby's bottom flared up with a stinging diaper rash that required a sitz bath. two twins got restless. one twin's digestive tract decided to go haywire.

 the food wouldn't cook.

finally, abby and eli threw in the towel (including the literal one used for the sitz bath) and packed up the whole motely crew, went back home, fed them peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and put them down for much needed naps. my parents and i ate partially-cooked thanksgiving dinner. 

we then packed up the remainders of said partially-cooked thanksgiving dinner and schlepped it over to abby and eli's so that they could continue cooking it. abby texted me about 3 hours later and said that the turkey still wasn't done.

is there such a thing as a defective turkey?

just in case there is........


ham for Christmas.

was blind but now i see

i have said this before and nothing i have ever said is truer: i am grateful for the emotional pain that i have been through these past (almost) 3 years. this pain has led me to a right relationship with God and a grasping of His blessed promise that everything - everything - will be o.k.

is o.k.


happy thanksgiving, all.

upscaling your green bean casserole

abby is a big fan of green bean casserole. traditional green bean casserole. and so i was surprised when she suggested that i make upscale green bean casserole for tomorrow's big feast.

upscale green bean casserole includes fresh green beans, not canned ones. it includes zero cream of mushroom soup and lots of fresh crimini mushrooms instead. it features garlic and thyme and butter and more butter and flour and milk and crumbled blue cheese. it's topped with toasted panko bread crumbs and homemade crunchy french fried onions.

it also has.........wine.

just a splash, but still. it's wine.


besides..........not all splashes are the same size.

:)

in search of sorghum syrup

is it possible that i hate whole foods more than i hate kroger? it is not only possible, it is fact. i hate whole foods. whole foods and their snotty, arrogant-ass selves.


i have a recipe for what sounds like a to-die for caramel corn that calls for, among other things, bacon, (yes! bacon!), peanuts, and sorghum syrup. which isn't easy to find. so i call whole foods to see if they have it. here's how that went for me:

me: hello, could you please tell me if you carry sorghum syrup?

snotty, arrogant-ass him: (perturbed sigh) like, hold on.

me: (holding, holding, holding........)

snotty, arrogant-ass him: did they answer?

me: no. no one answered.

snotty, arrogant-ass him:  hold on.

me: (holding, holding, holding........)

snotty, arrogant-ass him:  (irritated) did they answer?

me: no, sir. no one has answered.

snotty, arrogant-ass him: can you like call back in like 15 minutes?

me: um, sir? why do i have to call back in 15 minutes? i just want to know if you carry sorghum syrup.

snotty, arrogant-ass him: (irritated) because like nobody's here right now.

me: (irritated, too) whaddya mean nobody's there?

snotty, arrogant-ass him:  they're all out unloading the truck.

me: excuse me?

snotty, arrogant-ass him: they're like unloading the truck! nobody's in the store.

me: nobody's in the store? what happens if you get a customer?

snotty, arrogant-ass him: (pissed) like, i dont' know. can you like call back?

me: no, sir, i can't like call back. 

snotty, arrogant-ass him: (perturbed sigh) like, what do you like want again?

me: i like want to know if you like have like sorghum syrup.

snotty, arrogant-ass him: what kind of syrup is sorghum syrup?

me:  sorghum like syrup is like sorghum syrup. that's what like kind of syrup it is.

snotty, arrogant-ass him: hold on.

me: (holding about half a second)

snotty, arrogant-ass him: NO. (click)  


like?

NO!

i cleaned the oven for thanksgiving. and other things that make no sense.

just got done self-cleaning the oven, which means i didn't clean it myself. regardless who (what) cleaned it, it is now clean. so that by the end of the day on thursday, it will again not be clean.

(some things in life don't make a whole lotta sense.)


here's another thing in life that doesn't make a whole lotta sense (not that i'm complaining): the ACLU hasn't gotten their hands all over thanksgiving. 

thanksgiving is a national holiday. and it is meant to give thanks........to God. not to your neighbor (though you may be grateful for him. her. rap music at 3:30 a.m. notwithstanding). not to your boss, not to your friends, not to your family. not even to your "higher power." to God. 

and it is a national holiday.

and the ACLU isn't raising hell.


proof right there that there is a God.

(although an oven that cleans itself is pretty good proof, too.)

rap music at 3:30 a.m.

frankly, rap music any time is bad. but it really sucks at 3:30 a.m.

at 3:30 a.m. - even on a saturday night (sunday morning) - most folks are a. sleep. they just are. use your brain.

better yet - use your heart. use your soul. give a rip, for a change, about someone other than yourself.

when it woke me up, it scared me. being woken up at 3:30 a.m. to the stones singing "sympathy for the devil" would not scare me. it might give me surreal flashbacks to my dorm days, but it would not scare me. waking up to rap music scares me.

and then, it pisses me off.

and apparently, being told to turn down your rap music at 3:30 a.m. pisses the player of the rap music off, too. because when the security guard told 'em to turn down the rap music, the rap music player(s) turned it up. up! i couldn't believe it.

so what happened next was, the security guard and the player(s) of the rap music got into a big ole' honkin' argument. at least, i think they did. it was a little hard to tell given the even louder rap music.

about 3:45, things finally quieted down. 

about 4:05, my dog and i finally fell back asleep.

the good news in all of this is that at last, my dog slept until 6:00, which she hasn't done since we changed the clocks back a couple of weeks ago. which means, i slept till 6:00, too!

thank God for rap music.

why on earth would people DO THAT to themselves???

in my line of work we see "cutters" - people who cut themselves not with the intent to die. with the intent to feel better.

yes.

the way they explain it to me and the way that i have come to understand it as being completely sensible (which isn't the same thing as it being a good idea) is that it hurts less to focus on a superficial cut than to focus on whoever it is who beat you up or sexually abused you. 

better to cut your arms with a pair of scissors and get distracted from your real  problem by having to tend to a small trickle of non-lethal blood than to cover your head in heartbreak and not be able to get out of bed.



this morning, i woke up with an eye infection. i mean, i guess it's an eye infection. it's the darndest thing! my eye's  all goopy and stuck together like  often happens when you have an eye infection. and it's red - also like what often happens when you have an eye infection. but my cheek has a pocket of "puffy." it's like, here's my eye and it looks infected and then right under my eye it's fine and then farther down on my face is my cheek and it's all puffed up. the eye thing looks like an infection and the cheek thing looks like.....well.....looks like..... puff! like, you know those machines they use at the eye doctor's office where they blow that puff of whatever it is into your eye to test for something (glaucoma?)? well, my cheek looks like how that glaucoma test machine thingie-do feels. 


in other words, it's better to focus on my eye infection than on my broken heart.

not the boston tea party and not THAT tea party. THIS tea party.

charlie and olivia made a tea party for abby and me yesterday. it was, well........unique.

for starters, we had a lot of food. just a little tea, but a lot of food. we had plastic turkey and plastic bananas and plastic ice cream cones and plastic corn-on-the-cob and plastic pork cutlets (or whatever they were), and plastic pumpkins.

except that we didn't.

we didn't because.......charlie wouldn't let us eat. every time we went to take a "bite," charlie whisked it away and returned to the "kitchen" with it. the food was always too something or not enough something to suit his standards and charlie,  being the perfectionist (not to mention the control freak),  wouldn't allow anyone to eat just any food. it had to be just right. even if it was plastic.

the other odd thing about this tea party was the amount of silverware provided. or, more accurately, the amount of silverware that was provided to me. charlie gave me about 14 forks, 10 spoons, and 8 knives. what he lacked in generosity where the eating of food was concerned, he more than made up for in cutlery.

olivia came dressed to the tea party in a fancy blue dress with a purple tutu. and charlie came dressed as spiderman. over which olivia wanted him to put on a fancy purple dress - and he intended to. (like i said.....odd.)  he just never got around to putting it on, being too busy with trips back and forth to the kitchen. 

as olivia, abby, and i sat there, watching charlie dash back and forth between the table and the kitchen and hoping that pretty soon he'd let us eat, olivia remarked that she was the boss of this tea party. "really," i said. "looks like charlie is the boss to me."

"no," she said, indignantly, "i'm the boss. charlie just thinks he's the boss."


smart girl, liv. smart girl.  :)

thanksgiving? whew!

i totally didn't realize that thanksgiving is next week! are you freaking kidding me!

how i lost track i'm not quite sure. makes me wonder what else i'm missing. 

well, one thing i won't be missing is some good food. as always, i will be giving thanksgiving a bit of a twist. this year, the twist is going to include balsamic roasted sweet potatoes with carmelized onions and upgraded green bean casserole which calls for, among other things, blue cheese. 

so there. 

i may be late, but i'm fashionably late.

the electoral college, explained.

yahoo says this today: "four days later, obama wins florida."


(so why did florida bother to vote?)



look, call me stupid. because i am. after all these years and all these explanations of the electoral college, i still don't get it. don't get it! haven't a clue! (and don't bother explaining it to me again. don't bother! don't get it! haven't a clue!)

the electoral college, i guess, is supposed to even things out. helps the less populated states catch up a little with the more populated states. which is why california has 55 electoral votes and montana has..........4.

(does this make sense to you?)

if i lived in montana, where only two other people live, and i didn't want states like new york and california runnin' roughshod over me, i think i'd give california the 4 electoral votes and i'd take their 55. 

or at least 50/50. how does giving non-populated montana a measly 4 stinkin' electoral votes even the freaking playing field?

and now, clearly, we don't need florida. from here on out, floridians don't get to vote. wiped off the map as far as presidential elections are concerned. bye, bye, florida, it's been nice knowin' ya.


now, give your 29 to montana.

it's that time of year

a lot of things happen this time of year - most of 'em good.


you've  got your election out of the way which, this year, ok, talk about your exception to the good rule. but other than that, this time of year is nice.

it's nice because the weather isn't hot. that's probably the biggest reason of all that this time of year is nice. it's also nice because the birth of the Saviour is right around the corner, but - truth be told? the weather not being hot is just about as good as the birth of  Christ. i mean, sorry, but it's true.

it's also nice because everything is in the expectant mode and nothing is in the it's-all-over-so-now-back-to-the-grind mode. the holidays are coming - they're close - but they aren't quite here yet. which means, you have the luxury of thinking how nice and stress-free and non-breaking-of-the-bank they're gonna be this year. everything is still exciting. everything is still fun. 

in other words, you're in denial. which is nice.
.
this time of year, the mashed potatoes aren't lumpy yet. the turkey's still moist.

the lights aren't all tangled up. in your mind's eye, you see them shining perfectly.  none of them are burned out.

black friday hasn't hit yet, so you're still asleep at 2 in the morning.

ohio state hasn't played michigan yet, so you're still sober at 2 in the morning.

stifle, edith!

the message has been un.mis.tak.a.ble. - shut. the. hell. up.


beginning yesterday morning, posts all over my facebook have had the same message. some direct, some a bit more subtle, but all the same message - "i don't wanna hear one word about how you're upset that obama won. not one word."

look, i don't plan on bitching about it forever. frankly, i only planned on bitching about it - at least publically - for one day. one day! yesterday! for one lousy, stinkin' day, i wanted to be able to vent my feelings. was that asking too much? apparently so. and ironically, because so many people made it clear that they wanted all us republicans to move on already (in less than 24 hours,  mind you. in less than practically 12 hours!).....because so many people made that clear, the irony is, i am bitching about it into today. which, i swear to you, was not my original plan. it was not. i wanted one day to be unhappy and then i was gonna move on. but nobody would allow me to feel what i felt.

i just want you to know that i would never do that to you. i would never tell you to hurry up, quick, quick, quick, get over something that is traumatic to you. i would not.

i am soooooooooooo disappointed. 

and, least of all, in the election results.

on being conservative. when you're a social worker. on election day.

it's not easy being conservative when you're a social worker. it's even worse on election day. especially on this election day.

i am probably the only social worker in this place who voted for romney. it almost makes me feel like i shoulda worn a bag over my head or somethin.

when you're a social worker, people just assume that you're liberal. and it's not such a crazy assumption. seein' as how about  99% of social workers are liberal. and to assume it is one thing. to expect it is quite another. and to not like you if you're not is horrible.

and it's dangerous. and it's not fair.

and it runs counter to what liberals say they are - tolerant of everybody.

right.

(pun!)

4 years

in most jobs, 4 years isn't much.

the standard rule of thumb is that it takes 1 year just to learn the basic ropes of a new job. it takes a second year to refine it and another year or so to really hit your stride. and in most jobs, you're not expected to have accomplished all (or even most) of your career goals in that amount of time. you have a whole career ahead of you to do that.

but not in the presidency.

4 years is 1 year longer than it takes to go through law school. and by the time you get out of law school, you have no idea how to be a lawyer.

it takes 4 years of medical school, plus another 3 or 4 or 5 or 8, to become a doctor. not to become a good doctor, mind you. just to get the degree.

i have a friend who recently took a job with the united states air force. she will be in orientation for 3 months. orientation! 3 months!  and then.....get this.....she will be in training for.....get this......3 years! 

you read that right.

(and, last time i looked, the united states air force is part of the same government that the presidency is. but the president's only got 4 years to nail it).

only 4 years to fix what's wrong with the world. while most of the rest of us get a year or two or three just to get our feet wet - in our regular joe jobs that the whole rest of the world isn't depending upon.

so, no. it doesn't seem fair that the leader of the greatest free nation on the planet, who inherits crap and crap and crap from his/her predecessor (who inherited it from his/her predecesssor), should be expected to have it done within 4 years.

but that's what's expected. that's the constitution. that's how we roll in this country.

and if the president can't roll with it, too, then the president has to, well......

roll.

(even he said so.)

i believe i am quoting God when i say, "media schmedia!"

george orwell said that "journalism is printing what someone else does not what printed. everything else is public relations." 

well, we certainly do have a lot of public relations!

with very little exception, i don't trust any news source. practically none of them. and it sorta blows my mind that any of you do. i really don't know how you can.

and yet, so many of you don't trust God. 

which, i guess, on second thought, makes sense. since God certainly "printed" a lot of stuff that someone else didn't want to hear.

it's official. the holidays are here.

they're here. and you aren't gonna hear me complain' about it. the only thing you're gonna hear me complain' about is everybody complainin' about it.

look, what's the difference between stores putting out their Christmas stuff in october and you griping about stores putting out their Christmas stuff in october? both are a buzz kill. 

if you don't like stores putting out their Christmas stuff in october, don't go to stores. or, go to stores and don't look. it's not easy, but it can be done.......i've done it! i went to kohl's in september and they had their trim-a-tree shop up and runnin. complete with Christmas music. i shut my eyes, stuck my fingers in my ears, and moved on. saved me a lot of money!

just because something is everywhere doesn't mean you have to do it. remember what your mom said about that bridge and you jumping off it if all your friends jumped off it, too? applies just as much to Christmas. why you think that somebody celebrating something in october has to ruin your october is beyond me. with thinking like that, everyday would be ruined for you. because everyday somebody is doing something you don't like.

so, please. enough already about everybody rushing the holidays. they've rushed 'em before, they'll rush 'em again. and besides.....tell the truth.....come Christmas Day, do you really like your gorgeous new cashmere sweater any less because you saw it on a mannequin in october? 

you say you want a REVOLUTION?!

i think it's time to break this country into two. you go your way, the rest of us will go ours. why not?

the divide between those on the right and those on the left is, in my view, beyond repair. bipartisan schmartisan. it's time to face facts: our world views, beginning even with what constitutes life, for the love of God, are so divergent as to never be bridged.

people on my side think we are going to go over the cliff. i think we have gone over the cliff.

so, what happens when things go over the cliff? we start over. that's what.

let's start with agreeing to divorce. (we could try a dissolution but hell, that'd never work.) so, let's divorce. you line up your peeps on your side and we'll line up our peeps on our side and we'll duke it out - over everything. (hell, that'll be easy.....that's what we're doin' anyway!)

we'll fight and argue and negotiate over territory. who gets what. we'll fight and argue and negotiate over money. who gets what. etc. etc.

we'll finally figure out where the Traditional United States of America will be and where the Progressive Un-United States of America will be.


and by the way......we get minnesota. i love snow.

i've got your back.

sometimes, your back is the most important thing.


looking back, while often painful, can teach you a lot. somebody (i forget who) once said that it's a shame we don't live our lives in reverse........we'd be born at an old age and have all the experience and wisdom we need to get through life capably. and then we'd die as infants, curled in our mother's arms. 

not such a bad idea.

but it's not as good of an idea as how we currently do it - we live our lives going forward. which means we have the backward to look at.

and the backward can tell us a lot. 

we see where we've been and why we might not want to go there again.

we ache.

we ache with regret and we ache with what might have been. and maybe even with what should have been.

but the aches are there to teach us. without aches, most of us wouldn't learn diddly.


yep......sometimes your back is the most important thing.


and it's nice when you have someone to watch it.

                                                  

                                               

at last......my love has gone.......and i am getting better.

i haven't bought anything frivolous since my husband left. i've been too afraid to - not knowing if or when the financial bottom of my life is gonna drop out. the same way the emotional bottom of my life dropped out.

i haven't shopped anywhere fancier than target. i haven't traveled farther than urbana, ohio. 

with the exception of occasional fast food (and i try to stick to the dollar menu), birthdays and other celebrations, and having lunch with abby and the kids, i have not eaten out. this from a person who used to know every fine restaurant in every nook and cranny of this city like the back of her hand.

when i go to the grocery, i look for the cheapest and not necessarily the best. thank heavens i'm creative in the kitchen.

but, today.......today i splurged. and the funny thing is, it isn't even a splurge. there was a time when i would have considered what i bought today to be not even a blip on the radar. i wouldn't have thought twice about it. see it, buy it, out the door. that's how i used to live.

but, today.......today i splurged. i went to crate and barrel and bought a wine glass and a coffee mug. and then i went to pottery barn and bought a partridge in a pear tree salt and pepper shaker thingie-do.

it came to a grand total of $58.08.

and i have not stopped smiling since i bought these things. not because these things are so wonderful, but because:

1. i did something for myself. after all. this. time. and...
2. i'm getting over him.

why i'm pissed at rosie o'donnell (THIS time)

did i read the entire story? no. do i have all the facts? no. do i need all of the facts? no. because the one fact that i do know is the only one i need to know - rosie o'donnell offered to rehab honey boo boo's house. 

how dare she. regardless of how grateful honey boo boo and her family might be (and they are - they have accepted).

re. gard. less. of. an. y. thing. how dare rosie o'donnell make such an offer.

i think one of the hallmarks of many liberals is that they think they know what everybody else needs and wants. they think they know better than everybody else what everybody else should need and want. if we have half a brain. which, of course, we don't.

as contrasted to rosie o'donnell, i have never once watched the honey boo boo show and thought to myself, those folks need a better house. on the con. trary. i have thought to myself, many times, what a good house they have. not fancy. not fine. but good. and not just good........them. it's them! their house seems to suit them just fine. to a "t." (to a "sweet tea.") moreover, i have never once heard them complain about their house. i have never heard them say it's too this or not enough that. the subject of their house has never come up. at least not on t.v. which is the only place rosie o'donnell would (should)  know about.

to pre.sume that because the house is next to a railroad track and because the house is white clapboard and because the house is not huge (although, it certainly appears spacious enough. i've never heard the family say it wasn't.)........but to presume that something newer, something hipper, something more. like. what. rosie. o'donnell. would. want. to. live. in is..... 

in.sult.ing.

not to mention what should be the most obvious fact of all but apparently isn't......what honey boo boo's house may or may not lack in grandeur, it makes up for in spades in love. i admire the hell out of this family for the love, the connectedness, the roots that they have put down and nurtured. there're no amount of stainless steel upgrades that are gonna trump that.

the fact that the family has jumped at ms. o'donnell's generous (yes - it's generous. horribly misguided, but generous) offer doesn't change my outrage that ms. o'donnell made the offer in the first place. how many people wouldn't jump at such an offer?

my point is not that there is anything wrong with having a big house. nothing wrong whatsoever. nothing wrong with having it be nice, either. nothing wrong with wanting to move on up.

what's wrong is, ms. o'donnell had the audacity (of hope? ha!) to assume what somebody else's "up" should be.

steel cut oats and hand dipped ice cream

steel cut oats are oats. and hand dipped ice cream is ice cream.

 and a fool is a fool.


we people fall so many things it isn't even funny. i remember the time (we were young, people!) when david and i fell for one of those "free" vacation offers for 3 days and two nights somewhere in florida. 

(the brochure looked sooooooooooo good.)

i paid $4.75 the other day for a "pumpkin joe" cup o coffee at a hip neighborhood coffee shop called "cup o joe."

i was looking at a bunch of winter coats online yesterday and not a single one of 'em looked like they'd add a layer of warmth in the summer. much less in the winter.


but they suuuuuure looked cute.