bullying - in quotes

there's bullying and then there's being mean. but try telling that to the world.


calling someone fat or stupid or ugly or even fag isn't bullying. it's mean. just like spanking a kid isn't child abuse - it's harsh.


it is no wonder that we have lost perspective on the subject of bullying because we have lost perspective on the subject of everything. we have lost so much perspective that actor will smith was recently quoted as saying something to the effect that he and his wife don't punish - or discipline- their kids. what they do instead is, they expect and require their kids to be able to defend whatever it is they did. if they can defend it (what kid can't?), then fine. no consequence.

oy vey.


but back to the point. the point is, there is a difference between being bullied and being treated rotten. in the former case, a kid is not expected to be able to cope. in the latter, he is. or should be. one of the biggest problems we have today with quote unquote bullying and with being treated rotten is that there aren't many parents around - especially parents who go to church and practice something higher than their own opinions - there aren't enough of those kind of parents around who still take the time - the tiiiiiime - and the thought - the thought! - and the energy (all the energy's being used up at "the gym") to actually sit down, consistently, day after day after one moment of social injustice after the next and teach. the. kids. to. cope. teach the kids to return hatred with love. instead of returning hatred with a lawsuit.


i remember all the occasions in my life as a kid when i would come home from school in tears. because someone had said or done something really mean or unkind or hurtful to me - what we would today call "bullying" - and i remember that on every single occasion, my parents, doing their job as parents, explained a little 3rd grade (and then 5th grade and 8th grade and senior year) psychology to me. and the lesson was always the same - not because my parents couldn't think of anything new to say - but because the lesson is the same: people who are mean feel way worse about themselves than they do about me. which is why they are mean. so, feel sorry for them. be nice to them. help them.

pray for them.


(yeah. my parents learned that in church. i  mean, they learned it in their parents' church.)

as long as there are weeds, there's hope.

i like weeds. always have. they interest me. like, for example, who gets to decide what's a weed and what's not? i'd like to have that job because if i did, i'd take a lot of weeds and put them on the no-weed list. like those ones with the tiny, tiny yellow flowers.......what are those? i like those.

i like pulling them. i like not pulling them and just letting them do their thing.

i also like the way weeds are always wherever they aren't "supposed" to be. they're not supposed to be in somebody's garden, but i like them there. sorta levels the playing field a little, you know? i especially like weeds in the cracks of the sidewalk. 

weeds pretty much refuse to go away. you pull 'em, they grow back. you chemicalize 'em, they grow back. you keep the scotts company in business and still.......they grow back. if you aren't beginning to see the lesson in that, i might not be able to help you.

weeds, when you get right down to it, are just like Christ. not too many people voted for keeping Him, either. He kept popping up in places nobody thought He should, so they "pulled" Him. but damn that pesky Christ!!.....He just kept coming back!!


of all the things i like about weeds - and there are many - probably the main thing i like about weeds is how hopeful they make me feel every time i see them. i mean, every time i see Him.

what would Jesus do?

husband leaves wife, out of the blue, high and dry, and falls off the planet, leaving wife to fend for herself. and to fend for his cats who wife never wanted in the first place because wife is not a cat person, wife is a dog person.

fast forward 3-and-a-half years and now ex-wife decides to move to a place that is more affordable. ex-wife cannot take cats with her and so ex-wife and friends try and try to find a good home for cats but cannot.

ex-husband steps forward, out of the blue again, and says he will fly from holland (where it turns out he now lives), will get the cats and will take them back to holland with him where it turns out they will all now live.




scenario #1 is for ex-wife to get (righteously) angry and rail against ex-husband for wreaking havoc on her life and resenting him for returning for a couple of animals but not for her.


scenario #2 is for ex-wife to want to do scenario #1 but opts for scenario #2 instead which is to be grateful that the cats will have a home with a familiar caretaker (provided cats have good long-term memory) and to continue the process of forgiving ex-husband for whatever lunacy and evilness befell him and to get on with life.

contractions

two distinct times in my life when i remember waiting for the pain to come - one, when i was in labor and the second time was when i had a sore throat so severe that it made me afraid - afraid - of the next swallow.

i remember in both situations, between contractions and between swallows, thinking to myself, this is the sunny side of the street. but the cloudy side of the street is...............wait for it...............now. in a perverse way, i actually grew to dread the sunny side as much as the cloudy side.

it dawned on me, at about 8 centimeters dilated, that i had this all wrong. to be so afraid of the pain as to ruin the non-pain was nothing short of crazy. well, yes it was. it was something short of crazy. it was anti-God. it was the absolute opposite of how God wanted me to be.

but, that enlightenment didn't last long. once the labor was over and the baby was brought home and the years started to roll by, i fell back into my glass half-empty mentality. it was just so much easier to do than to be positive. there - true confession.

(i remember my mother-in-law telling me one time, she said, "nancy.........you are negative." it brought me up short, but not for long. i knew she was right.)


and so, i have tried - sometimes earnestly, sometimes not so much - to stop being that way. to look at the silver lining first and the cloud second. one time, i even developed this little rule for myself.........i was "allowed" to think of the negative side of any given situation but only if and unless i thought of an equal number of positive sides to the situation - first.

my progress has been unsteady for most of my life and - tremendous - the last 3 years.

the last 3 years, i have stared down tragedy with a deepening faith. i have looked evil in the eye and said, i forgive you. i have even looked evil in the eye and said, in spite of your evil, i see your good.

i have made tremendous progress at not being negative.


but, not enough. when boston happened, i remembered the contractions. and i remembered the sore throat.


and, true confession number two........


i'm waiting for the next one.

afraid

in my line of work, i often talk to kids - and adults - about fear. what scares them, what makes them afraid.

kids usually say things like the dark. adults usually say things like not having enough money. sometimes, both of them say things like being left alone - abandoned.

when i was a kid, i was afraid of the basement. ours wasn't even a dark, creepy basement! but i was still afraid of it. i was especially afraid of the steps - they were open, and i was afraid i might fall through them.

as an adult, my dreams - if they can be considered an insight into what scares me (and i think they can) - are sometimes about not being able to find something important - like my keys - and in turn, not being able to get to where i need to go.......and fearing that i will get into trouble for being late.

sometimes i dream that i'm falling or drowning or crashing into the car in front of me - and i wake up, scared.



but all of these things - all of them - make sense. it's not crazy to be fearful of the dark. it's not crazy to worry where your next dollar is going to come from. basements are scary! falling or drowning or crashing into another car is scary!

and i wish that my fears were limited to such things. but, they're not..........


i am afraid...........of life.


i am afraid of movie theaters, schools, shopping malls, stadiums, open spaces, closed spaces, high places, low places, places in my neighborhood, places in your neighborhood.

i am afraid of new york and north korea and of going to a rock concert.

i am afraid of my workplace. i am afraid of the streets i must drive to get there.

and i am afraid of the streets of boston.

and of..........running.



i am afraid of everything.

no boys allowed!

no boys are allowed because they will be boooooored to death. but all my female BFFs? read on!


the interior decorating of my soon-to-be new home is coming together fab. u. lous. ly., dah. ling.

ok, so picture this: light gray walls, white woodwork, light hardwood floors. white kitchen cabinets, darker gray countertops, stainless appliances. chocolate brown shag area rug in the great room with a super contemporary white leather love seat (with the requisite pop! coming from a turquoise ruffled pillow) and two lime-colored super contemporary matching upholstered chairs. a bi-level, glass-topped coffee table that you can move around into different shapes (black pedastal stand).

white pedesatal sink in the half-bath with turquoise, lime, and white guest towels -  with big , happy circles on 'em!

matching comforters in the master bedroom and the guest bedroom in 2 (not 50) shades of gray, white, and lime ......EXCEPT! they are coordinatingly reversible.......one side is striped and the other side has circles and squiggles - so - i can put one with the circles and squiggles facing up in one room and the other room can have the stripes or vice-versa or i can have both rooms the same if i damn well feel like it! and i might!  :)

main bathroom will have a gray and white, wavy, diagonally striped shower curtain, 2 shades of gray towels, and accents in lime and turquoise.


ok. that's pretty much it. for now. stay tuned for decorating updates.

and the best part? it's 100% the opposite of what i have now.

which was the goal.

for several reasons.

most of them having to do with.......


men!  grrrrrrr! (just kidding.......)

sort of.

:)

my flag is turning white

i concede that my values are not holding sway in today's world nor do i expect them to ever bounce back and recover. 

although i am not done standing up for Jesus - nor will i ever be - i do concede that practically everybody else is. i also concede that the out-of-control secular world has gained, ironically enough, control. of this world, that is. (the gates of hell shall not prevail against the next.)

on the one hand, i am surprised - primarily because this world is so completely different than the one i grew up in and never thought would fade so sinfully away - but on the other hand, i am not surprised at all.......because at the end of the day, human beings are adam and eve. we all think we know better than God. we are all self-centered.  what we want is what we want, dammit.

i am so sickened by nearly everything around me. it used to be that i didn't want to pick up a newspaper because the news was so bad. now, i don't want to go on the internet because the news is so.........depraved. did you see where california is taking a look at designating pedophilia as a sexual orientation...... not as a sexual perversion?  never mind a crime! if there are any liberals out there who are shocked by this - don't be. you created it.

gonzaga university - roman catholic gonzaga university - is refusing to allow the students to form a knights of columbus group on campus. why? because the knights of columbus are - gasp! - catholic!

a school in southern ohio just took down a picture of Jesus that had been hanging there since, well, since pretty much kingdom come. and no one.....not a single soul ever complained about it. until the ACLU did. the stinkin' ACLU from another state! score another one for the good ol' ACLU.

babies being "aborted" shortly after birth.


i give up. on my optimism that this will turn back around (not on my efforts to continue to try). the heralders of the dark side have won.

this one.


but not the one that really matters.