in my line of work, i often talk to kids - and adults - about fear. what scares them, what makes them afraid.
kids usually say things like the dark. adults usually say things like not having enough money. sometimes, both of them say things like being left alone - abandoned.
when i was a kid, i was afraid of the basement. ours wasn't even a dark, creepy basement! but i was still afraid of it. i was especially afraid of the steps - they were open, and i was afraid i might fall through them.
as an adult, my dreams - if they can be considered an insight into what scares me (and i think they can) - are sometimes about not being able to find something important - like my keys - and in turn, not being able to get to where i need to go.......and fearing that i will get into trouble for being late.
sometimes i dream that i'm falling or drowning or crashing into the car in front of me - and i wake up, scared.
but all of these things - all of them - make sense. it's not crazy to be fearful of the dark. it's not crazy to worry where your next dollar is going to come from. basements are scary! falling or drowning or crashing into another car is scary!
and i wish that my fears were limited to such things. but, they're not..........
i am afraid...........of life.
i am afraid of movie theaters, schools, shopping malls, stadiums, open spaces, closed spaces, high places, low places, places in my neighborhood, places in your neighborhood.
i am afraid of new york and north korea and of going to a rock concert.
i am afraid of my workplace. i am afraid of the streets i must drive to get there.
and i am afraid of the streets of boston.
and of..........running.
i am afraid of everything.
