before i tell you how to make a good new year's resolution, let me tell you how to make a bad one. or, at least, an incomplete one. a misguided one. (so, yeah......a bad one).
how you make a bad resolution is, you sit and think about what you think you need to do to be better and that's what you decide your resolution is.
baaaaad!
what you ought to do instead is, you ought to think about the resolutions you would make for other people. so, for example, take your spouse.........what would you like him or her to do differently next year? what about your boss? your co-worker? your long lost relative? your friend. anybody. even strangers! what would you like strangers to do differently?
so, what you do is, you make your list of people and for each one, you think of at least one thing you wish they'd do differently. or better. more of. less of. not at all of. whatever.
and there, my friend, is your resolution.
my resolution, too.
:)
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Friday, December 28, 2012
december 26th - january 1st
every year, between Christmas and new year's, i remember how between Christmas and new year's used to feel. and i, for one, make sure it still does.
- you'd leave the gifts out under the tree, still in their boxes and tissue paper (which was always either plain white or white with those little different colored flecks of whatever they were on them), and every time you'd walk by the tree you'd be like, oh yeah......i got that, too! and you'd feel good inside.
- you were either waiting for it to snow so you could use your new sled or waiting for it to thaw so you could use your new bike. and unlike other kinds of waiting, that was a wonderful kind of waiting.
- you were on Christmas vacation. not Christmas break and not winter break. Christmas vay.cay.shun.
- you'd go downtown and buy something with the money your aunt and uncle gave you. and it was half off, so you'd buy two!
- while there, your parents would buy next year's Christmas cards and next year's wrapping paper. so you got to start dreaming about another Christmas even as you were still enjoying this one.
- Christmas vacation seemed like a long, long time.
- you'd eat holiday leftovers all week.
- you'd be excited for new year's eve. and guy lombardo.
- you'd keep trying to decide which gift to bring on the first day back to school for show and tell. and the choices were plentiful!
- you'd stay in your jammies longer.
- you'd watch a little captain kangaroo and then play with your new stuff. then you'd watch a little lucy's toyshop and take a nap. and then you'd wake up and eat Christmas cookies.
- everyone's Christmas decorations were still up. even though Christmas was officially over, nobody wanted it to be over. and so........it wasn't!
- but mostly, nobody had gone back to being their usual crabby old selves.
Monday, December 24, 2012
how to live: a condensed guide
in the movie, "being there," peter sellers plays a character named chauncey gardiner, a mentally challenged man whom everyone mistakes for a genius because of what appears to be his incredibly simple grasp on life's most complex issues. they misinterpret his simplistic remarks as deeply allegorical ones about life. people are in awe of mr. gardiner and they try to follow his no-brainer approach to living a meaningful life. they even think he should run for president! (please refrain from making jokes about the need for intelligence and a run for the presidency.) :)
a person who otherwise would likely have been marginalized - and maybe even institutionalized - became a hero. and a model for right living.
when my priest told us yesterday that all moral problems in the universe would be solved - slam dunk - if only we'd follow this one simple guideline, i immediately thought of chauncey gardiner:
"Lord, make me pleasing in your sight."
and i thought how peter sellers made a lot of money - i don't know how much - saying basically the same thing. and how, on a saturday night, with popcorn and a big, tall coke - and some milk duds - don't forget the milk duds! - how, in a situation like that, we all think chauncey gardiner was right (even if he didn't mean to be).
and how Christ, who did mean to be - and was - is - doesn't get the time of day.
but my priest is right. if each of us made it our job to be pleasing in God's sight - not in our own, not in somebody else's - this world'd be swell.
i remember a particular scene in "being there" where one person, who was the rare doubter of chauncey gardiner's intellectual depth, was talking to a gung ho believer in mr. gardiner. and the gung ho believer said to the doubter, "even if he's wrong, he's right."
and the doubter accepted the gung ho believer's challenge to, go ahead, live according to mr. gardiner's "rules," even if you think he's full of hooey. do it for just a few days and see what you think.
do it for just a few days.......and see what you think.
Sunday, December 23, 2012
a one and a two.......
i watched last night, with dismay, an old lawrence welk Christmas show from 1966. lawrence welk! i know, right?
i don't know where to start!
i remember lawrence welk being cheesy back in the day, so imagine the pungency of the cheese 46 years later!
and the technology! or the absence of, i should say. poor mr. welk had everybody's family and kids on the show and of course, all the kids had to sing a Christmas song, whether they could sing or not (and none of them could), and lawrence welk kept running with his microphone from one kid to the next! he practically tripped over the wires a couple of times and you could hear static all over the place. and apparently, back in the day, we accepted that! we thought that a musical t.v. host running like a maniac around the stage with only one lousy microphone was entertainment (and not the funny kind)!
hard to believe.
he had the lennon sisters on, of course. i swear to you, my blood practically turned to 100% sugar listening to those chicks.
remember norma zimmer? well, norma zimmer (God rest her soul - she died last year) must have used every can of hairspray in hollywood. but she did have a nice voice.
speaking of "nice" voice........after every performance, lawrence welk would tap his baton into the palm of his hand and say, "folks, wasn't dat niiiiiiice? dat was so, so nice. thank you, bobby and norma!"
i don't know why i kept watching, but i did. i watched the whole cotton-pickin' show. and when it was finally over and i changed the channel, i stumbled across another news report on sandy hook. and it was then that i knew why i had watched the lawrence welk Christmas show:
because it was nice.
i don't know where to start!
i remember lawrence welk being cheesy back in the day, so imagine the pungency of the cheese 46 years later!
and the technology! or the absence of, i should say. poor mr. welk had everybody's family and kids on the show and of course, all the kids had to sing a Christmas song, whether they could sing or not (and none of them could), and lawrence welk kept running with his microphone from one kid to the next! he practically tripped over the wires a couple of times and you could hear static all over the place. and apparently, back in the day, we accepted that! we thought that a musical t.v. host running like a maniac around the stage with only one lousy microphone was entertainment (and not the funny kind)!
hard to believe.
he had the lennon sisters on, of course. i swear to you, my blood practically turned to 100% sugar listening to those chicks.
remember norma zimmer? well, norma zimmer (God rest her soul - she died last year) must have used every can of hairspray in hollywood. but she did have a nice voice.
speaking of "nice" voice........after every performance, lawrence welk would tap his baton into the palm of his hand and say, "folks, wasn't dat niiiiiiice? dat was so, so nice. thank you, bobby and norma!"
i don't know why i kept watching, but i did. i watched the whole cotton-pickin' show. and when it was finally over and i changed the channel, i stumbled across another news report on sandy hook. and it was then that i knew why i had watched the lawrence welk Christmas show:
because it was nice.
Saturday, December 22, 2012
add this to your list
3 urgent Christmas things i just gotta get off my chest:
1. fruit cake is intended for breakfast.
2. 'sup with wrapping paper? why don't they make the rolls shorter? wrapping paper is pretty much one giant waste of wrapping paper.
3. make this and your troubles go away:
"the smell of Christmas"
1. fruit cake is intended for breakfast.
2. 'sup with wrapping paper? why don't they make the rolls shorter? wrapping paper is pretty much one giant waste of wrapping paper.
3. make this and your troubles go away:
"the smell of Christmas"
- 2-3 T. whole cloves
- 4-5 cinnamon sticks
- 1-2 T. whole allspice
- 1 whole nutmeg - if you can find it - chopped, or sprinkle a buncha ground nutmeg if you can't
- 1 piece vanilla bean - if you can find it - or, several drops of the liquid kind if you can't
- orange peel from 1-2 oranges
- combine all the above in a pan with a loose lid (i use foil). cover in water. put pan in 200-250 degree oven and EN.JOY.
- periodically add water as needed.
- you can brew this for 5 days and then you'll need a fresh batch.
- which means, this stuff lasts longer than fish or company coming to visit - which ben franklin said was 3 days, tops. :)
MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Friday, December 21, 2012
ringing bells 26 times
i am going to say it: why not 27? and.........if we're really gonna be Christian about it.......why not 28? or, at least 27 at one time and then a lone 28th sometime later?
i don't understand why his mother doesn't get a bell. i understand that she didn't go to that school. so if you just want to ring bells for the people who went to that school, i get that. that makes sense to me. they are in a special group. but why not a bell for his mother, later?
and even though it sickens me to think it much less to type it, why not a bell for him? especially if he was mentally ill, which seems to be the case.
but even if he wasn't mentally ill. even if he was just plain evil. actually........if he was just plain evil, i guess all the more reason to have mercy on his miserable soul. not to mention ring a lousy bell.
but i realize that ringing a bell for a maniac who went berserk and blew so many people's lives into smithereens is, at the very least, insensitive and disrespectful - not to mention in incredibly bad taste. in which case......no bell. but something. some acknowledgement that his life was a tragedy, too.
no, this isn't how my brain works. my brain works in the "let him fry" mode.
but my brain is part of the reason i'm not Christ.
i don't understand why his mother doesn't get a bell. i understand that she didn't go to that school. so if you just want to ring bells for the people who went to that school, i get that. that makes sense to me. they are in a special group. but why not a bell for his mother, later?
and even though it sickens me to think it much less to type it, why not a bell for him? especially if he was mentally ill, which seems to be the case.
but even if he wasn't mentally ill. even if he was just plain evil. actually........if he was just plain evil, i guess all the more reason to have mercy on his miserable soul. not to mention ring a lousy bell.
but i realize that ringing a bell for a maniac who went berserk and blew so many people's lives into smithereens is, at the very least, insensitive and disrespectful - not to mention in incredibly bad taste. in which case......no bell. but something. some acknowledgement that his life was a tragedy, too.
no, this isn't how my brain works. my brain works in the "let him fry" mode.
but my brain is part of the reason i'm not Christ.
Thursday, December 20, 2012
no room in the inn
isn't it odd........in all of creation (his creation, no less)........there was no room for the creator.
still isn't, in a lotta cases.
still isn't, in a lotta cases.
silver bells. and linings.
good things always come from bad things. if you let it.
the pall that has been over the nation since last friday has unleashed an avalanche of love.
colliding with Christmas as it has is at once tragic and perfect. if you can't see Christ in Christmas now.............then, when?
if all you can say is, "where was God," then this whole hideous thing has been lost on you. and that, my friend, is a tragedy, too.
in an odd mix of holidays, i am reminded this Christmas that after Good Friday came Easter.
good things always come from bad things.
if you let it.
the pall that has been over the nation since last friday has unleashed an avalanche of love.
colliding with Christmas as it has is at once tragic and perfect. if you can't see Christ in Christmas now.............then, when?
if all you can say is, "where was God," then this whole hideous thing has been lost on you. and that, my friend, is a tragedy, too.
in an odd mix of holidays, i am reminded this Christmas that after Good Friday came Easter.
good things always come from bad things.
if you let it.
Sunday, December 16, 2012
the way, the truth, and the LIFE - not the DEATH
these are the reasons i hear most often to explain why tragic killings happen. you have no doubt heard them, too:
- too many guns
- not enough guns (in the hands of the right people)
- the media, especially the non-stop, 24/7 media
- video games
- no God in the schools anymore (or anywhere anymore)
- hollywood
- side effects of psychotropic medications (this is the first time i've heard that one)
- unavailable or inaccessible mental health services
- bullying
- the deterioration of the family
i am not an expert in mass killings - don't ever plan to be. i don't have a bucket list but if i did, being an expert in mass killings is the last thing that would be on it.
that said, i have a few remarks of my own to make:
probably all of these reasons play a role - in different ways, in varying amounts, depending on the killer.
probably doing something about each one of these reasons would be helpful.
statistics show that despite these reasons, most of which are modern in nature, mass killings in the united states have not seen a dramatic increase over the course of our country's history. some increase - but not dramatic. i don't think most people know this. which is why they point to the modern reasons that they do.
and what all of these reasons have in common is the over-arching real reason for mass killings - and everything else that goes terribly wrong - the existence of evil.
and the existence of evil is, quite literally, the oldest reason in the book.
as long as human beings try to combat evil only in ways that make sense to them, be that removing guns or adding guns - or any of the rest of it - we will have this problem. and others.
because man (alone) cannot solve the problem of evil. he cannot.
there is only one who can.
there is only who, if we work in cooperation with him and surrender our intellects to his, can help us help ourselves.
help us save ourselves.
so, yeah. put God back in schools.
Saturday, December 15, 2012
from a shepherd's point of view
abby wrote a letter to the twins yesterday - something she has been meaning to do for 4 years now - detailing the amazing story of their birth and their grandpa's death.......which collided in the corridors of the ohio state university medical center.
here is the story - part of it, anyway - from my perspective:
abby was scheduled to have a c-section on friday, dec. 12th at 4 pm at riverside hospital, where she had been on bed rest for 8 weeks? 10 weeks? i forget. a lot of weeks.
on thursday, dec. 11th, at 5 pm, i get a call from one of abby's relatives - telling me that abby's father, david, was not expected to live more than 24 hours.
in other words, he was expected to die the same day she gave birth to her first (and second - because that's how abby and eli roll!) baby. babies.
i remember hanging up the phone and walking around in circles, saying to myself, think, nancy. think.
i called dr. melillo.
dr. melillo, i hate to bother you at home, but.........
what happened next is a GIGANTIC blur.
i remember walking into abby's room at riverside. as i did, i saw eli's mother visiting with her, having what i could tell was a tender and special conversation.
i'm not sure what i said. i know i said it badly. i remember hugging big-fat- almost-9-months-pregnant-with-twins abby and saying something to her. i remember dr. melillo standing in the hall, just outside the doorway.
what happened next is a GIGANTIC blur.
i don't remember who packed up all of abby's stuff. there was stuff everywhere. i don't remember who packed it all up.
i don't remember who drove her from riverside to ohio state, where her dad lay dying.
i don't remember what time it was.
it was dark.
not just figuratively.
next thing i know, i'm at kroger, and it's almost midnight. i'm the only one there. i am on a mission:
abby needs a hair dryer! :)
why abby needed a hair dryer, i don't remember. how abby had the presence of mind to know that she needed a hair dryer, i don't know.
but she needed one. and kroger was open.
and it was quiet.
and i was by myself.
they had dimmed most of the lights. my first thought was, how did kroger find out about all of this? how did they know to dim the lights in honor of david?
my second thought was, how pretty the little Christmas lights are in here.
how pretty and quiet. it's Christmas in kroger. even if it isn't Christmas at ohio state.
what happened next is a GIGANTIC blur.
i don't remember driving to ohio state medical center.
i don't remember parking.
(how did i ever find my car when it came time to leave?)
i do remember walking into the ohio state university medical center and thinking.........it's exactly like kroger in here.
it's quiet. it's dim.
there's a Christmas tree.
there's another one.
ah, and those wreaths. so pretty.
it's Christmas at the ohio state university medical center.
and it was. it was Christmas. because david didn't end up dying that day. (he lingered 4 more days.)
abby delivered olivia and charlie at 9.00 a.m.
and david was able to hold them.
(http://eliandabbybowman.blogspot.com/2012/12/a-2nd-letter-for-c-your-birth-story.html)
here is the story - part of it, anyway - from my perspective:
abby was scheduled to have a c-section on friday, dec. 12th at 4 pm at riverside hospital, where she had been on bed rest for 8 weeks? 10 weeks? i forget. a lot of weeks.
on thursday, dec. 11th, at 5 pm, i get a call from one of abby's relatives - telling me that abby's father, david, was not expected to live more than 24 hours.
in other words, he was expected to die the same day she gave birth to her first (and second - because that's how abby and eli roll!) baby. babies.
i remember hanging up the phone and walking around in circles, saying to myself, think, nancy. think.
i called dr. melillo.
dr. melillo, i hate to bother you at home, but.........
what happened next is a GIGANTIC blur.
i remember walking into abby's room at riverside. as i did, i saw eli's mother visiting with her, having what i could tell was a tender and special conversation.
i'm not sure what i said. i know i said it badly. i remember hugging big-fat- almost-9-months-pregnant-with-twins abby and saying something to her. i remember dr. melillo standing in the hall, just outside the doorway.
what happened next is a GIGANTIC blur.
i don't remember who packed up all of abby's stuff. there was stuff everywhere. i don't remember who packed it all up.
i don't remember who drove her from riverside to ohio state, where her dad lay dying.
i don't remember what time it was.
it was dark.
not just figuratively.
next thing i know, i'm at kroger, and it's almost midnight. i'm the only one there. i am on a mission:
abby needs a hair dryer! :)
why abby needed a hair dryer, i don't remember. how abby had the presence of mind to know that she needed a hair dryer, i don't know.
but she needed one. and kroger was open.
and it was quiet.
and i was by myself.
they had dimmed most of the lights. my first thought was, how did kroger find out about all of this? how did they know to dim the lights in honor of david?
my second thought was, how pretty the little Christmas lights are in here.
how pretty and quiet. it's Christmas in kroger. even if it isn't Christmas at ohio state.
what happened next is a GIGANTIC blur.
i don't remember driving to ohio state medical center.
i don't remember parking.
(how did i ever find my car when it came time to leave?)
i do remember walking into the ohio state university medical center and thinking.........it's exactly like kroger in here.
it's quiet. it's dim.
there's a Christmas tree.
there's another one.
ah, and those wreaths. so pretty.
it's Christmas at the ohio state university medical center.
and it was. it was Christmas. because david didn't end up dying that day. (he lingered 4 more days.)
abby delivered olivia and charlie at 9.00 a.m.
and david was able to hold them.
(http://eliandabbybowman.blogspot.com/2012/12/a-2nd-letter-for-c-your-birth-story.html)
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Christmas
Christmas is so different this year. and by Christmas is so different this year, i mean i am so different this year.
it's been mild and rainy, not cold and snowy, and yet, i don't mind.
i haven't bought abby a single thing yet and i haven't bought eli a single thing yet and i haven't bought the triplets a single thing yet and the two things that i bought olivia haven't arrived yet and by now they should have. and yet, i don't mind.
i have decided to have ham and beans and cornbread for Christmas dinner and not only do i not mind, i can barely wait.
i have switched over completely from traditional Christmas decorations to modern Christmas decorations. no traditional green in sight. lots of lime and red and turquoise and silver.
i am going to do swiss fondue on Christmas eve.
i'm making cookies. haven't done that in like for. ev. uh.
we are going to have make-your-own sundaes for dessert on Christmas day.
i haven't written my cards yet.
all my CDs got ripped off outa my car and now the only Christmas music i have is online or on the radio.
and i don't mind.
the trappings of Christmas are falling away and in the space where all of them used to be is..........
Christmas.
it's been mild and rainy, not cold and snowy, and yet, i don't mind.
i haven't bought abby a single thing yet and i haven't bought eli a single thing yet and i haven't bought the triplets a single thing yet and the two things that i bought olivia haven't arrived yet and by now they should have. and yet, i don't mind.
i have decided to have ham and beans and cornbread for Christmas dinner and not only do i not mind, i can barely wait.
i have switched over completely from traditional Christmas decorations to modern Christmas decorations. no traditional green in sight. lots of lime and red and turquoise and silver.
i am going to do swiss fondue on Christmas eve.
i'm making cookies. haven't done that in like for. ev. uh.
we are going to have make-your-own sundaes for dessert on Christmas day.
i haven't written my cards yet.
all my CDs got ripped off outa my car and now the only Christmas music i have is online or on the radio.
and i don't mind.
the trappings of Christmas are falling away and in the space where all of them used to be is..........
Christmas.
Sunday, December 2, 2012
strange bedfellows
so today, neiman marcus marries target. there have been stranger things.
like martha stewart marrying petsmart, for example. you walk into your basic petsmart and you don't expect to see leashes and chew bones and litter boxes - in martha's signature colors of red and turquoise (which, by the way, i love. not the chew bones, but the red and turquoise. gorgeous!).
it's jarring, really. almost gives you whiplash. you walk in, looking for breath mints for your dog, and there's martha stewart - a few years outa prison - hawking her latest color combo on some poor, unsuspecting person who just wants to know where the flea dip is.
another odd match is vera wang at kohl's. especially vera wang in their bra department. and their bed sheets department. vera wang, who got famous for her wedding gowns, now has the bride covered from a to z.
everywhere you go these days, you can find stuff that shouldn't be there. vera wang shouldn't be at kohl's. it doesn't matter that it's a second-rate version of vera wang, it just shouldn't be there. period.
starbuck's shouldn't be at kroger.
tiffany's jewelry shouldn't be at macy's.
and while we're on the subject of macy's........ macy's shouldn't be at macy's! macy's belongs in new york city, period. every half-wit knows that!
(i did buy a red and turquoise water dish, though.)
like martha stewart marrying petsmart, for example. you walk into your basic petsmart and you don't expect to see leashes and chew bones and litter boxes - in martha's signature colors of red and turquoise (which, by the way, i love. not the chew bones, but the red and turquoise. gorgeous!).
it's jarring, really. almost gives you whiplash. you walk in, looking for breath mints for your dog, and there's martha stewart - a few years outa prison - hawking her latest color combo on some poor, unsuspecting person who just wants to know where the flea dip is.
another odd match is vera wang at kohl's. especially vera wang in their bra department. and their bed sheets department. vera wang, who got famous for her wedding gowns, now has the bride covered from a to z.
everywhere you go these days, you can find stuff that shouldn't be there. vera wang shouldn't be at kohl's. it doesn't matter that it's a second-rate version of vera wang, it just shouldn't be there. period.
starbuck's shouldn't be at kroger.
tiffany's jewelry shouldn't be at macy's.
and while we're on the subject of macy's........ macy's shouldn't be at macy's! macy's belongs in new york city, period. every half-wit knows that!
(i did buy a red and turquoise water dish, though.)
Saturday, December 1, 2012
coupla unappreciated good things about Christmas
one good thing about wanting a hippopotamus for Christmas is that you only want one. because if you wanted more than one, you'd have to worry about and figure out whether that means you want hippopotamuses or hippopotami. and that, right there, would take all the fun out of Christmas.
another good thing about Christmas that you probably didn't pay any attention to is that it pretty much stays. the. same. oh, sure........you've got your newfangled christmahannawanza goin' on and your ACLU trying its best to be the grinch (or, wait........maybe it's the grinch who's trying his best to be the ACLU!)...........
but, whatever..........sure, you've got your hallowgivingchristmahannaza goin' on and your ACLU/grinch thing goin' on, but other than that, really, it's the same thing, year in and year out. and that's good.
you've got your red and your green. done.
you've got your boxes in the attic. done.
you've got the manger scene you've had since you were a kid. done.
you've got your stockings and your cookies and your candy canes and, of course, the tree. nothing new about any of that. just good old, reliable Christmas.
another nice - and largely unappreciated - thing about Christmas is.......
Christ is born.
another good thing about Christmas that you probably didn't pay any attention to is that it pretty much stays. the. same. oh, sure........you've got your newfangled christmahannawanza goin' on and your ACLU trying its best to be the grinch (or, wait........maybe it's the grinch who's trying his best to be the ACLU!)...........
but, whatever..........sure, you've got your hallowgivingchristmahannaza goin' on and your ACLU/grinch thing goin' on, but other than that, really, it's the same thing, year in and year out. and that's good.
you've got your red and your green. done.
you've got your boxes in the attic. done.
you've got the manger scene you've had since you were a kid. done.
you've got your stockings and your cookies and your candy canes and, of course, the tree. nothing new about any of that. just good old, reliable Christmas.
another nice - and largely unappreciated - thing about Christmas is.......
Christ is born.
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