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Sunday, December 29, 2013

bread and letters

i love bread.


if you're gonna have a peanut butter sandwich, it's gotta be on "not good" bread, i.e. squishy white. the cheaper, the better (goes for the peanut butter, too.......love cheap peanut butter!).

other things that are cheap but also wonderful:


  • government-issued cheese (believe me.)
  • petroleum jelly (your lips will thank you. you'll thank his or her lips!)
  • bic lighters (to this day, i cannot go to a concert without one.)
  • stamps

which brings me to letters. what does it say, really, about a civilization that is too busy to write a text message without abbreviations much less one that doesn't have the time (or the ability anymore) to write another human being a. letter.?

what it says is, sure, "good" bread is good.

but cheap bread sticks to your ribs.

heart.



Saturday, December 28, 2013

counting on eating!

i have resolved, just sorta for the heck of it, to eat one meal everyday next year that Jesus might have eaten. in researching what foods those might have been (and there is quite a bit of disagreement about that), i have settled on the following as my things from which to choose:

apples
almonds
dates
figs
grapes
melons
olives
pistachios
pomegranates
raisins

beans
cucumbers
gourds
leeks
lentils
onions

fish
calf
goat
lamb
oxen
sheep
venison
dove
pigeon
quail
grouse

bread
corn
barley

butter
cheese
curds
milk
eggs

coriander
cinnamon
cumin
dill
garlic
mint
mustard
salt

wine
grape juice
honey
olive oil
vinegar


taking away those things on the list that i don't like or have no intention of finding out if i do or i don't , i.e. - 

apples
figs
melons
pomegranates
cucumbers
goat
lamb
oxen
sheep
venison
dove
pigeon
quail
grouse
mint
curds
eggs

i am left with 26 foods, beverages, liquids, and seasonings with which to concoct one meal a day.

adding lamb back on the list ( which, if you hold a gun to my head, i can manage to choke down lamb chops) we're back up to 27. 

27 things/365 days = 13.51851851851882.



maybe this resolution is gonna have to go. 

cuz i also resolved to give up math.




Friday, December 27, 2013

of COURSE Christmas doesn't make sense!

first of all, nobody ever knew what a round yon virgin was. hell, we barely knew what a virgin was.

"cloven skies" weren't any clearer.

what did a blooming rose have to do with anything? and who was jesse?



on the secular side, none of us had ever ridden in a one-horse open sleigh. much less knew how much fun it was.

very few chestnuts, roasted or otherwise, were ever in sight.

and we never quite understood how a snowman could be parse and brown.



we don't have to understand it. we're not even supposed to understand it. if we understood it, that would be science (well, it would be science for those of you who understand science).

the point is, understanding it, while nice and certainly self-satisfying, isn't the point. that's the point.



step out of your own damned head. 



now you're gettin' it.




Thursday, December 26, 2013

december 26th

see, Christmas isn't over......Christmas is just starting.

yesterday was the first day of Christmas. today, follow along now, is the second. thaaaaaat's right......tomorrow will be the third.


we do Christmas backwards. we say it starts the day after thanksgiving (if not sooner) and for many, it ends today (check the curb if you don't believe me). holy cow, people, give the wise men a chance to get there, will ya?

technically, the tree shouldn't have gone up until, well, until today. yesterday afternoon or evening at the earliest. and it should stay up at least until epiphany. don't know what epiphany is? look it up.

the baking commences now. the parties commence now. "black friday" is now.

instead of walking into the grocery store and finding the seasonal aisle being stripped of all things Christmas - to make way for all things valentine - the Christmas stuff should just be arriving. because, um......Jesus just arrived.


today, if i can find 'em (and i won't be able to), ima get me a coupla turtle doves (not sure what i'll do with 'em once i get 'em..... but ima try to get 'em). and tomorrow, dinner will be three french hens. or, more likely, one american chicken.


i'll confess.......the eight maids a-milking part kinda has me freaked out.


:)






Wednesday, December 25, 2013

scenes from a Christmas morning


he did????? santa came????? ohmyGOSH!!!!!

now, don, that's not how it happened. yes, it IS, donna! this is my story......and i know how it happened!

oh, it doesn't even matter if i already have one....this one is so much better than the one i already have!

oh, sure, what the heck.....it's Christmas!

(said under one's breath): what was i thinking when i bought all this stuff?????

it's not much - just something i threw together.

well, it looks great. just great.

well......it's not much.

the trash guys sure are gonna have their work cut out for 'em.

does this thing need batteries? crap!

ohmygosh, this is the coolest thing ever!

are you sure? cuz if you don't like it, that's ok. it's no problem if you don't like it. i have the receipt....you can take it back.

take it back???? are you crazy???? i love it!

well, only if you're sure. but if you decide you'd rather have something else, i totally understand. no worries.

oh, i won't decide i want something else! i want this! i love this! this is soooooo awesome!

isn't there anything else for me? where's mine?

you've already gotten plenty, sweetie! look how much you have! why don't you play with some of your new stuff?

wow, this is crazy. i'm sure glad i don't live here and have to clean up all this stuff!

you always get just the right thing, you know that? just the right thing.  :)

oh, i was hoping i'd get this!!!! i didn't think you'd get it!!!! thank you!!!! thank you!!!!! i love it!!!!

(under your breath to yourself): read the whole card before you look at how much the check is.


this has been a wonderful Christmas! thank you so much, everyone!


(under your breath to yourself): 

next year, we're gonna cut back.


:)









Tuesday, December 24, 2013

who voted for all this damned snow?!!

of all the things i don't understand, what i don't understand the most is how you cannot like snow on Christmas. i understand obamacare better than i understand not liking snow on Christmas. hell, i understand obama better!

i know you probably don't want me to, but i feel sorry for all you folks down south. and for those of you who are actually on beaches at Christmas, well, i literally grieve for you. i grieve! i grieve so bad that i can't go outside lest my bleeding heart messes up my snow!

i also don't get why you hate fruitcake so much, but that's easier to comprehend than not liking snow at Christmas. not liking snow at Christmas is, research shows, thee most incomprehensible thing on earth.

not liking to wrap gifts? ok. i get that. i don't agree with it - but i get it. 

having ham for Christmas instead of turkey - even though the song specifically says that everybody knows a turkey and some mistletoe help to make the season bright? i don't get it, but i get it better than not wanting it to snow.


personally, i think you gotta be more than just a little certified in the head not to want it to snow on Christmas.


tell the truth.......you voted for obama, too, didn't ya.


:)






Saturday, December 21, 2013

that's what Christmas is all about, charlie brown.

i have written before about those of you who celebrate the secular side of Christmas only. news flash: there is no secular side.


it's hard to point that out without insulting you. and i don't want to insult you. but i do want you to take a minute and look at the word "Christmas" and tell me why it isn't called "secularmas" instead.


i don't celebrate hannukah. because i am not jewish. i don't celebrate ramadan. because i am not muslim. i celebrate Christmas because i am Christian. see how that works?


i don't want to insult you but neither do i want you to insult me.


see how that works?





Thursday, December 19, 2013

the smell of Christmas?

macy's and other retailers have long sold a line of potpourri, sprays, and candles called "the smell of Christmas." if you've never experienced "the smell of Christmas," you've missed out on a fabulous thing.

if you've never experienced the smell of the first Christmas, you're missing out on even more.


the first Christmas did not smell like cinnamon. it smelled like dung. 

the first Christmas did not smell like cinnamon because the first Christmas did not take place in a kitchen with a double oven, an island, stainless steel appliances, and a tile backsplash imported from italy.

the first Christmas took place in a bathroom. an outdoor bathroom for beasts. the worst kind of bathroom, quite frankly. there may have been a star overhead, but there were no cute hand towels hanging on the towel bar with cute little embroidered stars on 'em.

if there was a midwife, we don't know about her. so......picture that. a bathroom for beasts and a mother giving birth in the dirt. somebody cut the cord. picture that



no. the first Christmas surely didn't smell like "the smell of Christmas." and yet........it could have. why didn't it?

why didn't God choose to be born in a palace? or, at least, in a hospital

if what passed as a "hospital" over 2,000 years ago was still too fancy for God, then why not the inn? why wasn't there any room there? there could have been. God could have willed it so. why didn't He?


i think that of all the modern aspects that we have managed to pile on over the years onto the celebration of Christmas and of all the deviations in our brains from what really happened, how it must have smelled is the one thing above all that we are divorced from. we trick ourselves into thinking that the stable had clean, warm hay and that the animals had politely done their business somewhere out in the field. and that none of them were kicking up too much dirt or making too much noise. they were just standing there with big, brown eyes, looking on, in adoration.

we completely ignore the reality of what that scene must have really looked like, felt like, and smelled like. we put out little nativity scenes on our bookshelves and run straight for the egg nog.

but i think it's probably important to stop and think about how gross the whole thing must have been. and to think about how it didn't have to be that way. but it was. 

and to think that only a few people in the whole history of the world (myself definitely not one of them but mother teresa and pope francis for sure)seem really to have grasped what the message of all that indignity is.....

that we are to stoop down. we are to lower ourselves, just as Christ lowered Himself. that writing a check to charity isn't enough. writing a check to charity is like giving birth in the hospital, not in the poop.

that we are to get rid of our stuff and give it to someone who doesn't have any hay. clean or otherwise. 

that if God did it, he wants us to do it. how. much. clearer. could. He. have. been


as much as i love "the smell of Christmas," i need the smell of Christmas more.


so do you.







Saturday, December 14, 2013

personally, i don't think there's such a thing as an ugly Christmas sweater.


there's nothing about Christmas that i don't like. even the things about it that i don't like, i like!


1. commercialism - it's only commercial if you make it commercial. nobody can make you make Christmas commercial. didn't your mother ever tell you that just because everybody else is jumping off a bridge doesn't mean you have to jump off a bridge, too?

2. bad Christmas music - i haven't heard this song in a long time and granted, the message was kinda pathetic, but even john denver's "please, daddy, don't get drunk this Christmas" had a great beat. you could dance to it! (provided you weren't drunk.)

3. the crowds - i actually relish the crowds! it means people are still out there - alive! - and, in most cases, focused on somebody else. what i love to do is, i love to go to the busiest mall in town on Christmas Eve afternoon and just sit there, smug as all get out because i have had my shopping done - and wrapped - since like forever, and just watch the people scramble around to get everything crossed off their list and finally make it home before dark. i just sorta sit there, sipping my hot chocolate in bliss and think, you silly people you, what part of "Christmas comes this time every year" eludes you?

4. tacky decorations - i like to think that i have pretty good taste and so this one - this one - really puts me to the test, but even i have learned to appreciate the, if not beauty, then at least the, well, the effort it took you to throw this low-class thing you call a centerpiece together.

(that reminds me of a true story that happened to my friend, linda, one year. at the company Christmas party - at the non-profit, social service agency Christmas party - she won an ugly wreath in the raffle. linda said the thing was so sorry that on the way home, her husband said, 

"honey, that thing is a definite 480."

linda: "a 480? what's a 480?"

husband: "you open all 4 windows and i drive 80 and maybe that sucker'll fly outa here.")



well, it didn't. because linda made sure it didn't. because linda is one of those people who can find something beautiful in everyone and everything.

except for ugly Christmas sweaters. linda wouldn't be caught dead in an ugly Christmas sweater.


thank God for linda.







Wednesday, December 11, 2013

does anybody really know what time it is? my boss does!

glass half-full: my employer honored my colleague's 20 years of service by giving her a clock.

glass half-empty: my employer honored my colleague's 15 years of service by giving her the same clock.



so......she's got two clocks that are the same.....and she got the second clock almost 4 months after the anniversary of her 20th year of service. glass half-empty.


glass half-full: the 20-year clock (which is the same as the 15-year clock) caused my colleague to look back over her life. and cry a little. and be grateful.


glass half-empty?


no.


glass half-full?


no.




glass full?




yes.

Sunday, December 8, 2013

george jetson gets a job at amazon.

have you heard? amazon is testing the idea of having drones deliver packages right to your door. within 30 minutes of your ordering them! can you say, "star. trek?"


according to reports (nope, sorry - don't have the link(s). look it up your own lazy self!).......according to reports, amazon's most aggressive timetable for being able to do this is in 2015, with more realistic ones putting it in the 5-years-from-now zone. 

wow.


i don't know about you, but i'm havin' trouble seein' how this is gonna work in new york city. a cornfield in iowa? ok. that makes some sense. (as much sense as a scarecrow in a cornfield in iowa ordering something from old navy makes sense, that is. although......a scarecrow ordering something from plow and hearth probably does make sense. a whole lotta sense, in fact.)

but, my thing is, why do i need something 30 minutes from now? and if i do need something 30 minutes from now, i shoulda planned better!

my other thing is.....drones???? really???? and linus was sarcastic when he said that a pink, aluminum Christmas "tree" really brought the spirit of the holiday home.

sheesh.



do i want to live in a world where a gunmetal gray thingamajig in the sky brings my stuff to me? no, i do not. it's impersonal as hell, scary, and besides,i don't fit the part of a jane jetson.


my waist has never been that small.



Saturday, December 7, 2013

don't be a scrooge.....scrooge isn't in the Bible!

have you ever met (or heard of) anyone who renounced Christ once he learned that santa claus isn't real?

neither have i.


(people who renounce Christ don't need any help from santa claus to do it.)



i got into a heated debate the other day about whether or not santa should be a part of Christmas. and the overwhelming opinion was no. but not (just) for the usual reason that one often hears against santa, i.e. that it is a lie and we shouldn't tell children lies. no, the overwhelming opinion in the conversation i was having is that santa shouldn't be a part of Christmas because a.) santa isn't in the Bible and b.) if we lie to people about santa, what's to stop them from thinking we're lying to them about Christ?

on the face of it, perhaps, there's some logic in that argument. but on the non-face of it.......that's the most ridiculous thing i have ever heard!

ok, so it's not ridiculous that santa isn't in the Bible because, DUH, santa isn't in the Bible. neither are cookies or wreaths or trees or nat king cole CDs or snow or green or red or ugly Christmas sweaters or hot buttered rum. so......next time you wanna get your panties in a bunch about santa not being in the Bible, you better take that candy cane outa your mouth first. 

furthermore: as i remarked in an earlier post, http://nancyrankin.blogspot.com/2013/11/what-church-does-santa-claus-go-to.html, santa claus is about as close to living out Christ's teachings as you can get. who else do you know who spends his 100% entire life in service to others? well, besides the clergy. and some of them fall pretty far off the mark (that's a topic for another day)......

santa spends the whole year focused on making children happy. pretty sure Christ said let the little children come to Him.

santa gives up his own Christmas eve so he can make children happy. pretty sure a lot of Godly parents will be assembling toys at 2 a.m. on december 25th.

santa tells the children on his lap - the ones who are sad and full of despair and sorrow - to have hope. to remember that Christmas is a time of miracles. that Christmas itself is a miracle.

pretty sure Christ and miracles have something in common.

the only thing santa does that Christ probably doesn't want him to do is eat too much. in the scheme of things.......


so, no. i do not have a problem with santa. santa is nothing more than love. that's all he is. love!


pretty sure Christ and love have something in common.





Monday, December 2, 2013

merry Christmas, sodium chloride!

one part of the holiday/winter season that routinely gets under-appreciated is salt. salt on the ice. salt on the ice on the sidewalk. HALLELUJAH for salt on the ice on the sidewalk!

hallelujah, too, for, well, salt. i have approximately 55 dried herbs and spices in my pantry but the seasoning i use the most - by far - is salt. i use salt every day. i do not use spanish smoked paprika every day. the fennel's been sittin' there for awhile, too.

not only do i use salt every day, i use it a lot every day. ever put salt on vanilla ice cream? that, plus a little splash of balsamic vinegar........WOWZA! try it! true story!

but, back to the whole thing about salt on the sidewalk........



salt on the sidewalk keeps us upright and therefore, alive. and in return, what do we do? we stomp all over it.

can't help but draw a parallel to Christ on that.




Saturday, November 30, 2013

inventory

in addition to a new place to live:
  1. couch
  2. chairs
  3. kitchen table and chairs
  4. coffee table/end table
  5. lamp
  6. bar stools
  7. coffee maker
  8. spice rack
  9. silverware
  10. utensils/hot pads
  11. dish towels
  12. wine glasses
  13. cutting board
  14. coffee mugs
  15. toaster
  16. coffee bean grinder
  17. pots and pans
  18. trash cans
  19. portable fireplace
  20. comforters, bedskirts, sheets
  21. color scheme
  22. coat rack
  23. shower curtain
  24. towels
  25. decorative items
  26. throw pillows
  27. area rug
  28. throw rugs
  29. the bose!
  30. cable provider
  31. cell phone provider
  32. car
  33. laundry basket
  34. wreaths/spotlight for the one on the door
  35. Christmas tree and ornaments
  36. nativity scene

these are the tangible things i have changed since my husband left me. i needed to start fresh. and, boy, did i EVER.

these are the intangible things i have changed (and.....funny how tangible the intangible things are):

 37. me and Christ
 38. me and how i treat you 
 39. me

i needed to start fresh.


and boy........did i EVER.


:)


 
 

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

wise up.

a fellow catholic said yesterday that it sure is nuts how most of us are more afraid of going to confession than we are of sinning.

ain't that the crazy truth.


halfa what we do is nuts:


we open the stores on thanksgiving.

we say a prayer to God before eating the turkey and then knock over anybody who's in our way at best buy.

we can't be thankful without watching football.

we bypass God and pass laws that don't work to fix the damage we caused by bypassing God.

we drink caffeine in the morning instead of going to bed at a reasonable hour at night.

we complain if it's hot and we complain if it's cold.

we drag ourselves to work every day with a scowl on our face and think it's the boss's fault we hate our job.

we drink wine to take the edge off.




confession takes the edge off. 



Sunday, November 24, 2013

liar, liar, pants on fire

if truth is relative and there is no such thing as THE TRUTH but rather, truths that work for you or maybe for you or maybe for this guy but not necessarily for that guy, then fine.......let those truths prevail.

in other words, what you're saying is, your untruth is, well.......THE TRUTH. but if there isn't any such thing as THE TRUTH, then how can yours be IT?


Jesus said that He is the truth. and that those who believe that will have eternal life.

who knows? maybe Jesus was a liar or a lunatic and your truth will turn out to be THE TRUTH.


pack your shorts!




Tuesday, November 19, 2013

be grateful for gratitude!

i heard a guy on the radio this morning talking about modern-day Christian martyrs and he reflected on how incredibly blessed most of us are with the lives that we lead. he said, "sheesh......the closest i ever came to "carrying the cross" was eating fish sticks and mac and cheese on fridays during lent."

he is so right.

and then, later today, one of my colleagues remarked that we have such good lives (she was speaking in particular of the contrast between our lives and the lives of most of our clients - which, in general, are such a hot mess you could get a tan just talking to them).

she is so right.

and then, on the drive home, i heard a guy on the radio say that he thinks that the thing all of us should be most grateful for is the ability (the God-given ability) to be grateful. without the ability to be grateful.......well, doesn't it make you shudder just thinking about it?

he is so right.

and yet......most of us (on a daily, ordinary basis anyway) squander the gift of gratitude. we kavetch from the minute we wake up till the minute we fall asleep.....or......if we don't, we at least fail to realize that everything ......everybody.....is something/someone for which/whom we should be grateful.(do i have to be grateful for proper english? sheesh!)

or, as someone (i believe it was mother teresa) said, "it's not a problem....it's a gift."


she (or whoever said that) is so right.

(or is it whomever?)


i am so grateful for the who/whom "gift", which drives me (gratefully) crazy every time i have to figure out which one to use.

gives me a (grateful) headache.


think i'm gonna go lie (lay?) down. and be grateful for my bed.


Sunday, November 17, 2013

what church does santa claus go to?

abby was talking to the kids yesterday about st. nicholas vs. santa claus and apparently charlie's little brain made the connection between st. nicholas and st. mary (my church) because he asked abby if santa claus goes to my church.

and after i stopped laughing, i thought about it for a minute. and i realized that, just as little virginia was told by the new york sun that yes, there is a santa claus, so, too, does santa attend my church.

what is santa claus, really, except for the embodiment of everything that a good church teaches.......love. i personally have never liked those nativity scenes which show santa claus kneeling at the crib of the baby Jesus. but, on one hand........it does make some sense. in a way, santa is Jesus. other than over-indulge in food, what does santa do that Christ wouldn't want him to do?

santa spends the whole year focused on somebody else. well, and not just somebody else......everybody else! and then, on Christmas eve, when the rest of us are sipping hot cocoa by the fire and sharing the love, what's he doing???? he's flyin' around like a crazy man in the cold and the dark (and the heat and the jungle and the mountains and the valleys and the tiniest places that none of us - except he - except He - has ever heard of).......just so everyone will be happy.

just so everyone will be happy.


so yes, virginia, there is a santa claus.


and yes, charlie, he does go to my church.


and to your church, too.

:)

Monday, November 11, 2013

who ya gonna call? BUBBLE BUSTERS!

i woke up this morning and discovered that the floor register in the master bath had been removed from its hole and placed about 12" from the hole.

what the????

as i was standing there trying to figure out what happened(and i confidently ruled out my dog pretty quickly - for a number of good reasons), my cell phone automatically started dialing the woman who cuts my hair! 

WHAT THE????

i disconnected the call and no sooner did i do that than my phone automatically started dialing my boss!

WHAT THE????

and then, no lie, my phone started dialing a third person (i d/c'd that before i even saw who the potential callee was)!

WHAT THE????



when i got to work, i gave my co-workers the bad news: my house is haunted. suddenly, inexpicably, overnight haunted. it's pretty rude to haunt someone's house without giving her fair warning!

as i told the story of what happened, one of my colleagues, devorah, said, "i don't think your house is haunted. i think you did it, nancy. i think you were sleepwalking and you pulled the register out of the floor." 

WHAT THE HOLY SHUT THE FRONT DOOR??????????!!!!!!!!



as we talked, though, it began to make a lot of sense. a lot more sense than any other scenario we could come up with and so devorah, a former champion sleepwalker herself, told me what to do..............get bubble wrap.

what the????

yes, she said, bubble wrap. put it on the floor next to your bed. one of three things will happen......either you'll sleepwalk and hopefully hear the pop of the bubbles as you get out of bed or you'll sleepwalk and you won't hear the bubbles pop but when you get up the next morning, you'll see the bubbles that have been flattened. or.......you won't sleepwalk and you can just pop the bubbles to your heart's content with your fingers - not your feet!(course, i gotta do this several nights for several weeks - maybe months - before i know "for sure" and therefore, i may have to wait a good, long while before i can indulge in the deliciousness of said popping with said fingers and not said feet.....how rude to make someone wait even just one moment to pop the bubbles on bubble wrap!).

the consensus seemed to be that i would likely discover that devorah is right - that i have indeed taken up the potentially dangerous habit of sleepwalking. which scares me - especially since i live alone.

however, what's even scarier is......what if i don't sleepwalk? who the flip took my register out of the floor if it wasn't me????

WHAT THE????

as for my phone, the consensus is......you guessed it.......


WHAT THE????








Saturday, November 9, 2013

give me an onion ring, not a diamond ring!

in this month of being thankful, one of the things i am thankful for is that unlike most of you, i love to go to the grocery store. LOVE!

going to the grocery store has never felt like a chore to me. ok, so maybe not never (you sticklers for the truth), but almost practically 100%....... never. i love the grocery store!

first of all, even the stuff that costs too much doesn't cost that much. as compared to, say, the stuff that's in a jewelry store. or at the car dealership. you gotta love $3.99 versus $3,999.00 or $39,999.00 any. day. of. the. year.

the other thing is, it's no fun cleaning jewelry. not exactly a blast washing the car, either. but running the carrots through the faucet? please. piece. of. cake.

speaking of cake.......you can't get that at tiffany's. breakfast, maybe, but cake?

never.

:)





Sunday, November 3, 2013

the real treat in trick-or-treat

for those who look down on halloween because they believe that the holiday is about devil worship, first of all, i don't think it's about devil worship - i think it's about candy - but for those of you who are concerned about it, here's a flip side to the issue: it's one helluva teachable moment.

when else is having your parents coaching you to say "thank you" so much fun? when else is waiting your turn so much fun? when else is your parents telling you not to say, "yuck, i don't like nerds" so much fun? never, that's when.

when else can your parents talk to you about how it's fun for you to wear a mask at halloween but what about all the people out there who feel like they have to wear one everyday? and how maybe we ought to reach out to folks like that and help them.

what better time than halloween to talk about violence? and how walking around with a pretend knife stuck through your pretend skull may not be the best choice in costumes?

and how violence is, for so many people, as daily in their lives as laughter is in yours.

what about talking to your kids about diet and obesity and moderation? you don't have to go all fargo, north dakota postal on the kids and hand out scolding letters to the parents of fat trick-or-treaters, but you can say, "look - there are a few times and occasions every year when we can indulge a little. and halloween is one of them. but the rest of the year, we have to act half-way sane."

what about simply pointing out that no matter what the other kids' costumes are, i expect you to be complimentary of them. none of this insulting, "what the heck are you supposed to be????" crap.

what about just standing there on the sidewalk, in the cold or the rain (or the 70 mph wind, as the case may be in ohio), and beaming with pride as you gently coax your munchkin to go on, go ahead, just say "trick or treat.it's ok."

what about that? what about how you standing there on the sidewalk is such an example of how you are going to be standing there their whole lives through?

what about that?


what about, yes, the devil does exist. and so does God. and His goodness will prevail. and me standing here telling you to be a nice kid - and insisting that you are - is your first lesson in grasping that.




Sunday, October 27, 2013

NOT being hungry

as well we should, we talk a lot about (and, i hope, do a lot about)the problem of hunger. one thing i do, for example, is every time i go to kroger, i opt to "round up" my total to the nearest dollar, with the extra money going, where i live, to the mid-ohio food bank.

but, as i was rounding up yesterday, it struck me that those who provide me my food never get the time of day. we're always so focused on giving our time and treasure to some hungry person out there that we never stop to think about - much less thank - the people right in front of our faces who are shelling out food to us every. single. day.

like the guy who stocks the shelves. when you get right down to it, we should probably be more grateful for him than anybody else in the whole wide world. when was the last time you walked into a grocery store and hoped and prayed and held your breath that something would be on the shelves?

or the check-out person. what a thankless (but shouldn't be) job. she gets the distinct pleasure of conducting perfectly legal, usually friendly business with you, in the interest of filling your mouth and stomach, and you're standing there simmering over how much it all costs and being pissed off that you're gonna have to go home and unload all this crap.


last year, for every day during advent, abby and eli had charlie and olivia do something good for another human being, often for the ones that are typically overlooked and taken for granted. like the guys who pick up their trash - they made them a big "thank you" sign and gave them each a candy cane.

and one day, in the cold and the rain, eli took them to kroger and they gathered up all the wayward grocery carts in the parking lot - you know, the ones you're supposed to put in the corral but you don't - and then they went inside, found the guy whose regular job it is to gather wayward grocery carts, and they gave him a homemade thank you card. and a candy cane.

those kinda guys. we take 'em for granted. we get so caught up in giving to or working for a charity that we forget the whole other side of the hunger coin - the haves. and especially, the ones who make it easy for the haves to have it.



so,thank you, kroger.

thank you, farmers.



and thank you, abby and eli. i'm stocking up on candy canes right now. 

Friday, October 18, 2013

everybody wanted me to be angry.

everybody wanted me to be angry when my husband left. but i wasn't. not that i didn't have my moments - i'm human - but mostly, anger isn't what i felt. and even when it was, i tried to replace it with something better. i tried to replace it with love.

for the most part, i have succeeded.



anger is a very popular emotion these days. everybody thinks it's essential to being "healthy." which is sad - because it hardly ever does any good. and even when it does, most of the time (if not all of the time) the good that it does could have been accomplished another way - a better way - by being loving instead of being all pissed off and alienating folks - including, usually, the very one(s)you are hoping your anger will motivate to change.


in other words, if you can kill more flies with honey than with vinegar, why do you keep using vinegar?


because you think anger is righteous. you think you're entitled to it. maybe you think you're setting an example for others (oh, you are. believe me........you are) and maybe you think you're being somebody's hero. maybe you think you're standing up for not just yourself but for whole groups of people as in, say with my example, for all wives who've been dumped by their husbands.

and, ok, maybe your anger is righteous. maybe you are entitled to it. maybe (no, definitely) you are setting an example. but with your way of handling things, i don't want you on anybody's fire department.

one of the angriest things in the world is fire. it literally rages out of control. but other than destruction, what does it accomplish?


and how do firefighters fight it? with matches? or with cold water?


do you consider a firefighter who enters carefully, selflessly - and yes, lovingly - to be a wimp? i don't. i consider him to be exactly what you're trying to be  with your anger........on top. the winner. a hero.

vindicated.


buddha said, "hatred does not cease by hatred, but only by love."


if you don't believe me......


believe him.





Tuesday, October 15, 2013

some things are just plain weird. they can also be just plain great.

what you need to know before you read this post: donna rankin is my mom. "the floodies" is her nickname for the last name (flood) of her (and my dad's) best friends. a.j. is the wife in the "floodies." marti is their daughter. nancy (not me) is their other daughter. i've been friends with her since we were itty bitty. my mom writes better than she thinks she does. and so, this is what "i" wrote for "her."  ok.........GO!




(donna rankin doesn’t like to use the phone so donna rankin makes nancy rankin use it for her.)
“call the floodies, nan, and tell them to be here at 8!”
“I don’t wanna call the “floodies,” mom, YOU call the floodies! they’re YOUR floodies!”

i don’t know how many times i heard that during my growing up years. i probably heard it at least 40 days and 40 nights. (get it? 40 days? 40 nights? floodies? FLOOD? never mind.)
but…….because I heard “call the floodies” so many times in my youth, i really wasn’t too surprised when i heard it again last night…….”NAN! QUICK! write a little thingy about a.j. for me, will ya?”
“a little thingy? what kinda little thingy?”
“marti’s getting a book together for a.j.’s 90th birthday and you’re the writer in the family, not me…..write me up a little thingy, ok?”
“well……”
“oh, come on, nan! just a little thingy about how a.j. and i have been such good friends through the years. through thick and thin. i can’t write……you can write! just write me up a little thingy and then you print it off and i’ll add a little hand-written note at the bottom. you know…….explaining that i can’t write but i am smart enough to ask you to write. and i am also honest enough not to try to pass somebody else’s work off as my own.  I don’t want a.j. to think i’m a plagiarizer.”
“i think a.j. knows you well enough, mom, to know you’re not a plagiarizer.”
“well.”
“so……..o.k. I guess i can do that. i hope i can.”
“oh, you can. nothin’ to it. just write about what a wonderful friend a.j. has been to me all these years. you know…….how we’ve been through so much together and we’re just two good friends. just two, good, good friends. you know. ever since you and nancy were little, for heaven’s sake! write about that. write about how a.j. has been my best friend for as long as i can remember, but, i won’t take the credit…..youll get the credit!”
“well…….o.k…….this is sorta weird, but………o.k.”
“oh, it’s not weird. just say what a good friend to me a.j.  is.  i can’t put it into words like you can. you’re the one who’s good with words, not me. just say how she has been my best friend for all these years and how I wouldn’t know what to do without her. it’s not weird at all……… best thing ever, actually.”

hello…….mrs. flood? this is nancy rankin……..

:)

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

of course i have an opinion about facebook!

someone remarked to me today that he doesn't understand why so many people feel the need to voice so many of their opinions via social media.

i don't understand why more people don't.


i don't understand being on facebook and never saying anything. it's like going to a concert and keeping your ears closed. or, at least, one of 'em.

it's like subscribing to a newspaper and never reading it. or only reading a section or two. if all you want is the sports, buy sports illustrated.

being on twitter and never saying anything is like going to the pool and never getting in. 

what the hell is the point of that?

it's like going to a party and sitting in the corner.

it's also a little creepy, if you want to know the truth. it's like you're a ghost or a spy or a peeping tom or something. it's a little creepy.


they call it social media for two reasons. and only one of 'em is.....


media. 

Monday, September 23, 2013

coupla things that matter.

  • chocolate-chocolate chip zucchini cake. this is wonderful. not because it's delicious (it is) but because it's. a. vegetable.
  • grilling bbq ribs during the summer and freezing some for the fall. and since yesterday was the first full day of fall, guess what i'm having for dinner tonight?
  • when somebody mows the grass, dammit.
  • wine with a screw cap that tastes good. (yeah.....there are a few.)
  • the wine tastes good, not the screw cap! you english majors, you!
  • when the pope clarifies what he means and says no, if you thought i meant abortion is okay, i don't. it's not.

when the pope clarifies what he means and says no, if you thought i meant abortion is okay, i don't.


it's not.