i used to almost like it better if my parents said, "maybe" to something i wanted to do or buy (actually, something i wanted them to buy) rather than if they said a straight-out "yes."
"maybe" is Christmas Eve.
"maybe" is las vegas.
"maybe" is taking the battery out for 15 seconds and putting it back in.
it's pounding on the magnavox or the zenith when the picture gets fuzzy.
it's surfing back through the channels you just got done surfing through.
it's "the dems and the repubs are still deliberating."
maybe is dying your hair blonde or buying the new and improved version of Tide.
it's how you feel when you turn on your computer in the morning.
it's why you turn this way instead of that way even though you mapquested it.
(especially if you mapquested it!)
maybe, essentially, is satan all dressed up in fancy colors.
whereas "hope" is entirely the opposite.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Saturday, July 30, 2011
what the world needs now is candy stripers
who knew..............they still make candy stripers. (but they don't make enough of 'em.)
candy stripers still wear the exact same uniform that they wore back in the day when i wanted to be a candy striper but for some reason, i never was. why a girl who always wanted to be a candy striper never was a candy striper is beyond me. actually, it's not beyond me. i know exactly why i never was a candy striper.........
the '60s.
the '60s.
the '60s screwed everything up, which is ironic, because truly, i don't think the rebels of the '60s meant to screw everything up........but they did. they made the world a worse place.
i should probably defend that position with a long and wordy essay on why i think the '60s made the world a worse place but i'm not going to. those of you who think the '60s made the world a better place are never gonna agree with me anyway and those of you who think (correctly) that the '60s made the world a worse place would rather that i skip the wordy sermon and just bring you a nice hot cup of coffee from the cafeteria and the newspaper.
coming right up.......
with a (non-drug-induced ) smile.
candy stripers still wear the exact same uniform that they wore back in the day when i wanted to be a candy striper but for some reason, i never was. why a girl who always wanted to be a candy striper never was a candy striper is beyond me. actually, it's not beyond me. i know exactly why i never was a candy striper.........
the '60s.
the '60s.
the '60s screwed everything up, which is ironic, because truly, i don't think the rebels of the '60s meant to screw everything up........but they did. they made the world a worse place.
i should probably defend that position with a long and wordy essay on why i think the '60s made the world a worse place but i'm not going to. those of you who think the '60s made the world a better place are never gonna agree with me anyway and those of you who think (correctly) that the '60s made the world a worse place would rather that i skip the wordy sermon and just bring you a nice hot cup of coffee from the cafeteria and the newspaper.
coming right up.......
with a (non-drug-induced ) smile.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
too bad carly simon didn't have time for the pain
i have never grown in good times.
never.
i have had fun in good times and i have felt good in good times - and i have never wanted good times to end - but i have never grown in good times. i have never gotten better in good times. a lot of the times, (if i'm honest about it), i've gotten worse in good times.
if it had been up to me, i wouldn't have made the world that way. i probably would have made it that, first of all, there aren't any times except good times. if i had decided to even make bad times in the first place, i would've made sure that they were truly bad - totally bad..............i would never have made them to be bad but then there's something good to come out of them. i mean, i would never have been that smart. i mean.........would you have been?
so, anyway, if i had been making the world, there woulda been no bad times and if there were bad times, they woulda been bad. period.
shows you what i know.
shows you what you know.
never.
i have had fun in good times and i have felt good in good times - and i have never wanted good times to end - but i have never grown in good times. i have never gotten better in good times. a lot of the times, (if i'm honest about it), i've gotten worse in good times.
if it had been up to me, i wouldn't have made the world that way. i probably would have made it that, first of all, there aren't any times except good times. if i had decided to even make bad times in the first place, i would've made sure that they were truly bad - totally bad..............i would never have made them to be bad but then there's something good to come out of them. i mean, i would never have been that smart. i mean.........would you have been?
so, anyway, if i had been making the world, there woulda been no bad times and if there were bad times, they woulda been bad. period.
shows you what i know.
shows you what you know.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
how not to be offended
being offended is a way of life for plenty of folks these days.
it's a way of life, an M.O., the way they roll, and, worst of all, a right.
(and you know how people looooooove their rights.)
it's a full-time job for jesse jackson.
and........ for me. if people would stop being offended, i'd be out of a job.
being offended is so ubiquitous, so pervasive, so like breathing, that we never even stop to think if it makes any sense. much less if it's the right thing to do.
but it's neither one.
it. is. neither. one.
being offended stops love in its tracks. because it is selfish. it makes zero allowance for anything other than the offended. as if thee offended is thee most important thing on earth.
as if Christ coming down here and imploring us to for. give just frickin' never happened.
it's a way of life, an M.O., the way they roll, and, worst of all, a right.
(and you know how people looooooove their rights.)
it's a full-time job for jesse jackson.
and........ for me. if people would stop being offended, i'd be out of a job.
being offended is so ubiquitous, so pervasive, so like breathing, that we never even stop to think if it makes any sense. much less if it's the right thing to do.
but it's neither one.
it. is. neither. one.
being offended stops love in its tracks. because it is selfish. it makes zero allowance for anything other than the offended. as if thee offended is thee most important thing on earth.
as if Christ coming down here and imploring us to for. give just frickin' never happened.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
we have ice cream at home.
unless you're a total nut job, you know that having ice cream at home is not the same thing as having ice cream not at home. i mean, come on.
almost every time i'm at the grocery store, i hear some half-wit mom telling her kid who wants her to buy him some ice cream that they have ice cream at home. like, who cares?
or maybe it's a dad whose son wants a stupid pack of gum, for pete's sake, and the dad says, as if the state of this kid's mortal soul depends upon it, "no, son.......we have plenty of gum at home."
i was reminded of this lunacy when i met with one of my clients and his dad the other day. the dad was telling me how the client wanted the dad to take him to mcdonald's to get him a sausage burrito for breakfast but the dad said, no, that the dad could very easily make his son a sausage burrito right here at home and the kid apparently threw a major colossal hissy fit and said, no, no, no.......that he wanted a sausage burrito from mcdonald's and no stupid sausage burrito from home was ever gonna be okay!!!
i was also reminded of this lunacy just now.......when i whipped myself up a sausage burrito right here at home.
next stop? dairy queen.
almost every time i'm at the grocery store, i hear some half-wit mom telling her kid who wants her to buy him some ice cream that they have ice cream at home. like, who cares?
or maybe it's a dad whose son wants a stupid pack of gum, for pete's sake, and the dad says, as if the state of this kid's mortal soul depends upon it, "no, son.......we have plenty of gum at home."
i was reminded of this lunacy when i met with one of my clients and his dad the other day. the dad was telling me how the client wanted the dad to take him to mcdonald's to get him a sausage burrito for breakfast but the dad said, no, that the dad could very easily make his son a sausage burrito right here at home and the kid apparently threw a major colossal hissy fit and said, no, no, no.......that he wanted a sausage burrito from mcdonald's and no stupid sausage burrito from home was ever gonna be okay!!!
i was also reminded of this lunacy just now.......when i whipped myself up a sausage burrito right here at home.
next stop? dairy queen.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Saturday, July 9, 2011
does kate middleton ever EAT?
no.
in other news.......
in other news.......
- jackson eliot weighed in, in utero, at 2.3# during yesterday's ultrasound. luke wilson and wendy jane bounced in at 1.15# each. these numbers are GOOD!
- abby's best friend made and brought to her thee most amazing piece of food i ever have eaten and probably ever will eat (and i'm not even a sweets person)........oreo-stuffed chocolate chip cookies!!!
- OMG!!!
- i am abby's personal laundress during the period of her confinement. (ok, what's wrong with that statement? one, that i am speaking with a british accent and two, that i am abby's personal laundress.)
- just kidding!
- sort of.
- abby has gotten a lot of generous food donations since she has been in the hospital........chicken parmesan, margeherita flatbread, couscous, pasta vinaigrette, pizza, burgers, and the aforementioned oreo-stuffed chocolate chip cookies.
- OMG!!!
- before kate middleton goes back to england, she needs to drop by abby's hospital room and help her eat some of this stuff.
- does kate middleton ever eat?
Saturday, July 2, 2011
are you freaking kidding MEEEEEE????? you actually read your car manufacturer's OWNER'S manual?????
why do you do that? why don't you just do with your car whatever you feel like doing with your car?
why don't you change the oil whenever you get around to it? and if you never get around to it, well, that's fine, too. this is a free country, you know.
you mean to tell me, you actually pay attention to the manufacturer's recommended schedule of maintenance? talk about answerin' to "the man," dude! didn't anybody ever tell you this is two thousand and eleven and you shouldn't answer to anybody?
besides, what the hell does your car manufacturer know about your car that you don't know better?
anybody here able to read between the lines?
good............
see ya in church.
why don't you change the oil whenever you get around to it? and if you never get around to it, well, that's fine, too. this is a free country, you know.
you mean to tell me, you actually pay attention to the manufacturer's recommended schedule of maintenance? talk about answerin' to "the man," dude! didn't anybody ever tell you this is two thousand and eleven and you shouldn't answer to anybody?
besides, what the hell does your car manufacturer know about your car that you don't know better?
anybody here able to read between the lines?
good............
see ya in church.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)