is it possible that i hate whole foods more than i hate kroger? it is not only possible, it is fact. i hate whole foods. whole foods and their snotty, arrogant-ass selves.
i have a recipe for what sounds like a to-die for caramel corn that calls for, among other things, bacon, (yes! bacon!), peanuts, and sorghum syrup. which isn't easy to find. so i call whole foods to see if they have it. here's how that went for me:
me: hello, could you please tell me if you carry sorghum syrup?
snotty, arrogant-ass him: (perturbed sigh) like, hold on.
me: (holding, holding, holding........)
snotty, arrogant-ass him: did they answer?
me: no. no one answered.
snotty, arrogant-ass him: hold on.
me: (holding, holding, holding........)
snotty, arrogant-ass him: (irritated) did they answer?
me: no, sir. no one has answered.
snotty, arrogant-ass him: can you like call back in like 15 minutes?
me: um, sir? why do i have to call back in 15 minutes? i just want to know if you carry sorghum syrup.
snotty, arrogant-ass him: (irritated) because like nobody's here right now.
me: (irritated, too) whaddya mean nobody's there?
snotty, arrogant-ass him: they're all out unloading the truck.
me: excuse me?
snotty, arrogant-ass him: they're like unloading the truck! nobody's in the store.
me: nobody's in the store? what happens if you get a customer?
snotty, arrogant-ass him: (pissed) like, i dont' know. can you like call back?
me: no, sir, i can't like call back.
snotty, arrogant-ass him: (perturbed sigh) like, what do you like want again?
me: i like want to know if you like have like sorghum syrup.
snotty, arrogant-ass him: what kind of syrup is sorghum syrup?
me: sorghum like syrup is like sorghum syrup. that's what like kind of syrup it is.
snotty, arrogant-ass him: hold on.
me: (holding about half a second)
snotty, arrogant-ass him: NO. (click)
like?
NO!
