in my line of work we see "cutters" - people who cut themselves not with the intent to die. with the intent to feel better.
yes.
the way they explain it to me and the way that i have come to understand it as being completely sensible (which isn't the same thing as it being a good idea) is that it hurts less to focus on a superficial cut than to focus on whoever it is who beat you up or sexually abused you.
better to cut your arms with a pair of scissors and get distracted from your real problem by having to tend to a small trickle of non-lethal blood than to cover your head in heartbreak and not be able to get out of bed.
this morning, i woke up with an eye infection. i mean, i guess it's an eye infection. it's the darndest thing! my eye's all goopy and stuck together like often happens when you have an eye infection. and it's red - also like what often happens when you have an eye infection. but my cheek has a pocket of "puffy." it's like, here's my eye and it looks infected and then right under my eye it's fine and then farther down on my face is my cheek and it's all puffed up. the eye thing looks like an infection and the cheek thing looks like.....well.....looks like..... puff! like, you know those machines they use at the eye doctor's office where they blow that puff of whatever it is into your eye to test for something (glaucoma?)? well, my cheek looks like how that glaucoma test machine thingie-do feels.
in other words, it's better to focus on my eye infection than on my broken heart.
