in the '70s it meant an unmarried adult female and you're sexist.
in 2006, when i moved to virginia, it blew me outa the water.
in virginia, somebody called me "miss," ahead of "nancy" for the first time in my life. (prior to that, i had only occasionally been called "miss" - and always without my first name. and always at the end of a sentence, as in, "excuse me, miss" as said by someone, usually a gentleman (oops! sexist!),as he passed ahead of me in line).
but never - never - (except for my grandparents who would sometimes address my birthday cards with "miss nancy rankin," but they only did that when i was really little and they were trying, i guess, to make me feel more grown up or somethin' but hell, i felt grown up enough - it was my birthday, for pete's sake! - so they really didn't need to bother).....but never - that is, never until i moved to virginia in 2006 - did anyone seriously, for real, no foolin', no kiddin' call me "miss nancy," and when he said it, i nearly died.
the fact that the someone was an elderly black man (at my workplace, on the first day of my new job) was the main reason (but not the only one) that i nearly died. my first instinct was to apologize to him. and to remind him that rosa parks moved to the front of that bus - and so could (should) he.
but i didn't. i simply smiled and returned his greeting. and walked away thinking, wow.....they (my yankee friends and family) warned me that richmond, virginia is still stuck in the mid-1800s! and i assumed that this man's greeting to me in that manner was a cultural leftover - and i didn't give it much more thought.
until, about 5 minutes later when my (new) boss called me the same thing! and i heard people calling her that. and as my first day wore on, i heard everybody calling everybody "miss" or "mr." that is, everyone who was either older or in a position of more authority.
i remember going home after that first day and telling my then-husband, whoa, dude, we're not in kansas anymore. and i asked him if everyone at his workplace calls everybody "miss" and "mr." and he said, "no, but that might be because practically nobody where i work is from the south."
in the weeks and months that followed, i gradually became accustomed to being addressed as "miss nancy," but i never - never - was comfortable with it. for my clients (who were kids) to call me "miss nancy" was one thing. for my boss? and the board president? whoa. it brought up all kinds of feelings then (and it brings up all kinds of feelings right now, just typing about it).
it brought/brings up:
- shame. i do not want you to feel that you need to address me that way. i am not better than you. please. just call me "nancy."
- anger. what's wrong with you people? haven't you ever heard of "ms." magazine?
- nostalgia. i remember - fondly - calling my teachers "miss" or "mrs." or "mr." a big part of me wanted to go back.
- fear. am i getting old?
- fear. what kind of place had my (then)-husband and i moved to?
- fear. i am in a cultural disjoint - every bit as disjointed as i would be in if i were in another country and couldn't speak the language - because i was! and i couldn't! and it was english! and i didn't know how to handle all this strangeness. (because, as it turned out, "miss" was just the tip of the iceberg.)
i am glad - very glad -(well, sort of glad) to be back in ohio now - where nobody calls me "miss."
but, crap. they call me "ms."
Lord......that's another blog.
