there's a rule of thumb that says that brides should never carry a bouquet that's bigger than their head. a similar rule of thumb needs to apply to women who wear hats: never wear a hat the size of an organ grinder's monkey.....unless you're an organ grinder's monkey.
hats seem to be making a bit of a comeback, at least in some circles. and by "some circles" i mean, anything involving the british monarchy and at my church's latin Mass.
my church has resurrected (ha!) the latin Mass - as have several other catholic churches across the world. and by "latin Mass" i mean, pre-vatican II, baby. and by "pre-vatican II, baby" i mean, before the world went to hell. baby.
in my church, and others like it, many of the women who attend latin Mass cover their heads with lace mantillas or veils. increasingly, i have noticed that others are choosing hats, as in, picture laura petrie in st. patrick's cathedral.
in many cases, the hats are really quite astonishing. like, for example, sarah "fergie" ferguson's poor daughters - who scrounged up i-dont-know-what to wear on their heads to their cousin will's royal wedding. yeah, right.........like they're gonna catch a prince of their own lookin' like that.
hats that are asymmetrical seem to be all the rage. hats that have wiry little somethings sticking out from a clump of something else are pretty popular, too.
what's not popular are little organ grinder monkey hats. unless you're an organ grinder monkey.
but try telling that to whoever (whomever?) she was at church this morning. this chick had on - i kid you not - the teensiest little hat i do believe i have ever seen on a human being. at first i was like, what the? and then, upon closer inspection, i realized that it was not a doll's hat. well, maybe it was! it was the dinkiest hat i have ever seen. truthfully, i don't even know why she bothered. if you blinked, you missed it.
the really funny thing is, as i was walking to church this morning, i passed this same woman (and, i guess, her husband) as they were leaving the great southern hotel in downtown columbus. i pass that hotel on my way to church and when this chick walked out with an organ grinder monkey's hat on, i dang near came to a dead stop right there in my tracks. i couldn't for the life of me figure out what was on top of her head. it was so small that at first, i thought it might be a protruding brain tumor. i mean, sorry, i know that doesn't sound very nice, but come on......who in their right mind wears a hat the size of a brain tumor???? ('course, if you have a brain tumor, maybe you're not in your right mind.)
anyway, imagine my surprise when i walked into church and there she was......about 3 pews ahead of me, on the opposite side. i was seated to her right and her little organ grinder monkey hat was perched on the left side of her head, so basically, i didn't see it at all except for when she came back up the aisle after communion.
seriously, people........maybe bringing back the latin Mass is a bad idea after all.
