catholics are weird

catholics are weird. here's proof:

• i can't understand the layout of the missal. granted, i'm a convert, but it's been 21 years since i converted and you'd think by now i would understand the layout of the missal but i don't. this does not make me weird, it makes catholics weird.
• they can't do potlucks worth a damn. last night is a prime example.....i went to a potluck at my church sponsored by the k of c. ok, so right off the bat, right, you figure there's gonna be food. and beer. well, negatory to the latter and not much more than negatory to the former......would you believe that i was practically the only one who brought food????? the k of c cooked a ham and some macaroni and those cheesy church potatoes that're mandatory at every church's potluck - even at weird catholic potlucks. they also had a thingie-do of corn (looked to me like they opened the cans and dumped out the corn, period). somebody brought a salad and somebody brought, i kid you not, half a container of what looked like leftover ham salad. catholics are weird.
• father lutz ate his macaroni and cheese out of a paper cup. wt?
• i sat at a table with three women and one man in a wheelchair. i didn't know any of them, but that was the whole point of my being there - to meet people. (well, that and eat. but as we have already established, eating isn't top on the list at a catholic potluck.)
• ok, so i sat at a table with three women and one man in a wheelchair and it was bizarre. those four folks took "catholics are weird" and ran with it!
• one of the women was named "r." or maybe it was "are." or maybe "rrrr." either way, it was easy to (r)emember. the other lady was "t." i kid you not! when t introduced herself, right after r did, i about fell outa my chair, which, by the way, was wobbly. not that there was anything surprising about that.
• so, ok, we've got r and we've got t and that's not even the best part......the third woman was half-toothless and she grinned an insipid grin the whole night. she just grinned! never said a word! and, as if that wasn't bad enough, get this.......her name was "boots." boots! what the hell is wrong with these people????? i mean, right????
• but the icing on the cake - practically literally - was the man in the wheelchair. the man in the wheelchair is married to r and that's a damned shame because let. me. tell. you........he was so gorgeous i about died.
• now, i don't mean to be insensitive or unkind or anything lawsuit-worthy like that, but this guy was gorgeous and...... how often do you see gorgeous people in a wheelchair? i mean, think about it.......you just don't. i don't know why that is, but it's true. i mean, isn't it? for some God-only-knows-why reason, people in wheelchairs are usually not all that attractive. i mean, can we talk?
• anyway, mr. cross-between-robert-goulet-and-brad-pitt was thee most normal (which, grasp the irony in that, right?) person in the whole place last night. he had a normal name - mark - and he had all his teeth. he spoke to me in a reasonable tone of voice and he asked me reasonable questions. like, how long have you been attending holy family, nancy and what do you do for a living. nor. mal.
• he must be a convert, too.