in my line of work, everyone always talks about "techniques."
what kind of "techniques" work with oppositional and defiant kids? what kinds work with kids who have "abandonment issues?"
and what kinds of "techniques" are good for kids who wish they were anywhere except in your office?
the answer, in my opinion, is almost always the same -
none.
none.
none of 'em work.
oh, most of them "work" to the degree that the person suggesting the technique feels better about having suggested it and/or the person receiving the suggestion feels better about having received it. nothin' like a new "technique" to carry home with you and try out on disturbed children that you haven't a clue about.
but the reality is, there ain't no exercise or activity or approach or clever little something that somebody learned at some training somewhere that turns anger and fear and sadness and chaos and rage into........ love.
nothing..................except love. (and that's the last thing we want to give.)
oh, we want to give our clients "positive regard," and "affirmation," and "empathic listening,' but we don't wanna give 'em what they really need......love. because love is too dangerous.
love means somebody's blurred the "boundaries" somewhere.
love means you've taken your work home with you and you shouldn't.
love means you're meeting your needs......not the needs of the client.
love means all kinds of bad things. many of them having to do with - gasp! - Jesus.
today, one of my foster moms asked me if i could suggest some "techniques" to use with one of her foster children who tells her he hates her practically every other day.
tell him you love him, practically every day, i said.
"tell him i love him?" she shouted. "we're not supposed to get "too attached" to our foster kids!"
why not? i said.
"cuz then, they might love us back," she said.
bingo, i said.
i mean, BINGO!!!!!!!!..........i shouted.
