so, the super bowl is this weekend and i, for one, couldn't give a rat's hoo-ha.
i do happen to know who's playing (the game) this year, and that, right there, is a miracle.
i don't know who's playing (at the half) and that, too, is a miracle because the only thing i usually know about the super bowl is who's playing at the half. (who's playing at the half?)
for someone who doesn't give a rat's hoo-ha about the super bowl, it's kind of ironic that i have actually been to a super bowl.
i forget what year (rat's hoo-ha). i forget which teams (rat's hoo-ha). i remember it was somewhere in michigan at some kind of dome. the pontiac dome? is there a pontiac dome? (rat's hoo-ha).
anyway, david (my first husband) and i went to the super bowl in whatever year that was and with whatever teams were playing and in whatever stadium it was in. the only thing i really remember is the snow.
it snowed like a gazillion pounds of snow. it was incredible.
after the game, we went to our hotel. the electricity went out sometime in the night and by morning, we were frozen. we could see our breath in the hotel room. no bueno.
so, despite the fact that it was snowing like a gazillion pounds of snow, we decided - ok, fine.......let's get it out of the way right off the bat......we decided - stupidly - to hop in the car and drive home.
hop in the car and drive home, my foot.
we got about 20 miles down the highway when suddenly, the wind whipped up so bad that it was a 100%, i am not kidding you, total white-out. i mean, total.
and then, suddenly, we crashed into the back of........ something.
we had no idea what.
we hopped out of the car and fell face first into a gazillion pounds of snow.
we got back up.
we fell back down.
we got back up.
i fell back down.
we looked at the front of the car and realized that, for all intents and purposes, it was gone. gone. and thanks to the 100%, i am not kidding you, total white-out, we had no clue what we had hit.
how we got out of that car without a single scratch on either of us, to this day, i do not know. the front end of our car was gone. it was gone.
now, lemme tell you somethin' that you might not know: it is beyond surreal to a.) go to a super bowl when you don't give a rat's hoo-ha about the super bowl and then, b.) drive home from the super bowl that you don't give a rat's hoo-ha about and hit something that should have killed you only it didn't and not only did it not kill you, you don't even know what it was.
believe me.......it is beyond surreal.
anyway......so, what did we do? we did the only thing you could do in those pre-cell phone era days.....we got back in the car (which was much smaller than before) and waited. we waited. what else could we do?
fortunately, we didn't wait long. pretty soon, along comes a highway patrol guy which, that's not as coincidental as it might sound because, come on now, who in their right mind is out on the highway in a 100%, i am not kidding you, total white out except for the highway patrol guys? and the snow plow guys? (well, and david and i.)
so, anyway, the highway patrol guy comes along and he tells us that he's pretty sure we hit a snow plow because the snow plow guy just radioed the highway patrol guy and told him that something or somebody just slammed into his rear end but since it's a 100%, i am not kidding you, total white-out, he couldn't see what (who) it was. but the highway patrol guy was pretty sure it was us.
and it was. (we later confirmed that by a number of factors, not the least of which was the yellow paint all over the front of the car. which was gone.)
anyway......long story short (i know, i know)......long story short, we ended up driving in the highway patrol guy's car to a truck stop about 5 miles down the road. the highway patrol guy radioed to have our car towed to the same truck stop. by this time, it's about freaking midnight. (well, not really. it was about freaking noon. but it felt like freaking midnight.)
and since the gazillion pounds of snow were still coming down - and by now, we're about up to three gazillion pounds of snow - we had no choice but to sit it out in the truck stop. which was pretty bad because the coffee was great but the bathrooms were horrible. if you get my drift.
anyway.....we actually ended up spending the night in that lousy, stinkin' truck stop. we tried sleeping in one of the booths in the restaurant part of the truck stop. lemme tell you somethin' you might not know: you haven't lived, and by "lived," i mean "died," until you have tried to sleep in one of the booths in the restaurant part of a truck stop. if you get my drift.
(speaking of drifts, there were about a gazillion pounds of those, too).
but, all's well that ends well, as they say......we got up the next morning and we were greeted with two surprises......one, the gazillion pounds (or three or four) of snow had stopped falling and two, our car, miracle of miracles, was drive-able. not pretty, but drive-able. so, away we went.
we got home about 8 hours later. the whole trip - from the hotel to our house - should have taken about 4. instead, it took like forever.
but, we got home and we were safe and sound and warm and ready for some good food and a nice nap.
"safe and sound and warm and ready for some good food and a nice nap." - yep. that's what's so super about it.
