there's a school of thought that says that people, especially children, shouln't be made to say they're "sorry" unless they really are.
i'm, um, sorry.........but that's crap.
if you do something wrong, that's bad enough. if you don't have the decency to apologize for it - heartfelt or not - that's even worse.
of course.......a truly remorseful apology is always better than an insincere one. always. frickin' DUH. but an insincere one is better than none. and here's why:
because only apologizing if you're really sorry puts the spotlight on you. on you and how you feel. nevermind how the person you wronged feels.
yesterday, abby and i took the kids to wendy's for lunch and as we were leaving, olivia decided to purposely meander through those rails that some fast food restauarants use to funnel the traffic through. you know what i mean......kind of like at an amusement park, where you gotta walk back and forth through a "maze" just to get to the ride. so, olivia decides to walk back and forth in wendy's "maze" and dump her milk on the floor as she did. and it made me mad.
i grabbed olivia's hand, marched up to the counter (there were no other customers, so we weren't being rude), and told her to tell the nice lady that she's sorry for spilling milk all over her clean floor.
olivia just stood there. i heard voices, about 70 million of them, in my head saying, "don't make her apologize. unless she's really sorry, don't make her apologize."
(sidebar: if i ever in my life develop schizophrenia and start hearing voices? i am pretty damned sure that i will never listen to any of 'em!)
so, anyway, i tell olivia to tell the nice lady she's sorry and finally, olivia says, "sorry."
"that's not good enough, olivia, " i said. "you need to say, ma'm, i am very sorry for spilling milk on your floor," and olivia said, "ma'm, i am very sorry for spilling milk on your floor." and the nice lady said, "that's ok. thank you for saying you're sorry."
and we left.
which we shouldn't have done, because we should have made olivia help clean the milk up. at least just a little. but we didn't, because the triplets were screaming their brains out.
so, the next time i take them to wendy's, i'm going to tell olivia to clean up whatever mess we make. and i'm going to remind her of the time that she spilled the milk.
and if you think that's harsh, well,
sorry. but i'm not sorry.
